The Price to Pay
by WordSPark37
Summary: Jewel looks back, and her mind cannot grasp what, or why, she did it. Now she has an important choice to make and a price to pay...Guest Star:  Rapture At Sea!
1. A Beginning

_PLEASE READ THIS WARNING FIRST!_ _Well, I'm still writing Love in a Cast, but I'm going to let it permeate for a while before continuing, since I've had some...thoughts, and talked to some people that made me rethink some things. Anyways, This will be a very disturbing story for those of you who don't enjoy grief stories, and for those of you who do...you should talk to someone...seriously. JK, anyways, Like everyone says, I don't own Rio, the characters, or pretty much anything, just the story and the basic idea, I guess. Well, this has nothing to do with LiaC, and is really just a "What if..." story, so please, feel free to review as critically as possible, especially about the plot. Any feelings you have, and any guesses or theories you may have, please PM me or leave a review! Thank you...now, grab onto something and make sure you're not the "faint of heart" kind of people, otherwise...well...you'll see._

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><p><strong>CHAPTER<strong> **1**

The day had begun just like any other, and I'm sick and tired of thinking about that. The fact that the sun shone bright just like every other day, keeping the storm at bay…for a while. The way that my feathers were in order and sparkled with their natural beauty. The way that Blu's chest rose and fell, comforting me in my drowsy waking. The way the eggs wobbled and shook every now and again when I shifted my warmth. Life had begun glowing on my darkest of days, the day I was caught and trapped in a cage, and kept getting caught in cages. That had been the day that I'd met Blu, and I had begun feeling….feeling something I'd never felt before. Loved

And now that all disappeared, just as fast as that glow had begun, it diminished and left me in the dark. Everything was pitch black, the pain I should have felt was gone and my entire body shook. The blood I'd lost had numbed my entire body, but at least it kept me from feeling the pain. It was almost done, everything was almost over with, and I wouldn't have to look at my reflection and see myself ever again. I saw it in the water, those light blue eyes, the various blue hues covering that face, the gently-curving beak…and I hated it. I hated that reflection, I hated that bird that had ruined my life, and I planned to rip its insides out and claw its heart. I would do it, even if it killed me.

_2 days earlier_

I rose to the shining morning sun. The few hours of sleep last night hadn't exactly suited me, but it didn't really matter. When all you have to do in life is sit on a trio of eggs, which is not as comfortable as it would seem, sleep is usually your day job. Still, I wasn't born for this lifestyle, I yearned for excitement, I wanted to feel the wind in my feathers. But the sedentary weeks that lay before me were killing me, one slow and painfully boring day at a time.

Before I could take control of my motor functions, my beak opened wide in a staggering yawn, and my wings stretched out, caressing the gentle head feathers of my mate, my love, the father of my children, Blu. I unintentionally ran my feathers over his beak, and he abruptly sat up, scratching at his beak, still half-asleep.

"Wha-What's going on…Who's…"

I couldn't help but chuckle at his humorous somnolent mumbling as he shifted from his dream to reality. He always somehow managed to get a smile from me. I took a look outside for a brief moment to find that the sun continued rising, making it already pretty late in the morning. It must have been around 9:30, almost ten, and our rambunctious activities late last night had used up most of our calories, causing hunger pangs that morning. My stomach gurgled deeply and I glanced to check if Blu had heard. Fortunately, the strange noise had gone unnoticed by the still-hazy Blu, who just now rubbed his face to try to ease into consciousness.

"Good morning," I said suggestively.

We hadn't had a night like that one since I'd gotten pregnant, and I was surprised by how hot and steamy it had been despite the fact that it wasn't the first time. Somehow the sheer love I felt, both from my heart and his, always made it mean something deeper. Although, there were certain things that had nothing to do with love…lust and passion on the other hand...

Finally realizing that the morning had come and gone, Blu managed to respond in kind.

"Good morning."

He punctuated it with a kiss on my cheek, causing me to blush like a chick. It wasn't embarrassing, but it brought back thoughts of last night. I watched as he stretched his wings to their fullest , an amazing array of pure blue feathers sparkling in the sunlight. I was mesmerized by the spectacle. Just thinking about it I realized those wings, as beautiful and powerful as they were, and he'd just used them to their fullest potential only about a month ago. It was amazing to behold, and I just fell into a daze, until Blu looked into my eyes and we just held each other's gazes.

"So…" he said

"So…"

I didn't really know what to say. There were no words for what I felt, and the best way I could express it, well, I already had. Still, simply looking into his eyes made me feel all tingly inside, and I channeled all my love through my stare, hoping he'd catch the sensation. I knew what I felt for him, and I knew what he felt for me, and it was love.

If we could have, or at least if I could have, I would've remained lost in his eyes, but alas, we all have needs. Biological needs. Blu's stomach rumbled as I got the urge to visit the nearest lavatory facility, and we both smiled, embarrassed of our bodies' uncomfortable timing.

"I'll go get breakfast then. You hungry?"

"Yeah…but first I need to…step outside for a sec."

"alright, I'll just…wait in here then."

I blushed, as I stepped off our eggs, embarrassed by my need to dispose of my natural wastes. It was completely natural, but after a lifetime of living by myself, it was uncomfortable having to do so, especially telling my mate that I had to go.

I stepped back and once I was outside and sure that nobody was around, which some birds didn't bother to do nowadays, alleviated myself. I never enjoyed making my body a public spectacle, and when other birds did, I usually tended to fly away as quickly and politely as possible. Using the restroom was one thing, but there were birds that even made their…intimate acts…a public showing of their lust.

It was a split second, and I returned to the warmth and privacy of my own nest, where Blu was already stretched, ready for his daily flight, and was now accommodating the eggs, whispering quietly as he did so. I couldn't discern just what he was saying, but I knew he was talking to his babies, his children, the result of his requited love, the birds who'd one day carry on our legacy…

It brought tears to my eyes, just the sheer thought of his children, my children…it was too much, and I felt like I'd received something that was just too good. Perhaps I didn't deserve it.

The thought quickly left my mind as soon as Blu looked up at me with a heart-melting smile and blushed. I returned the smile, and I wish I'd had the courage to tell him that there was nothing to blush about, that he was a wonderful father, and that I'd tell our children that story…there are so many things that I regret now, but if I think about it too much I'll…I'll…

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><p><em>Yes, I know, I felt the same way writing it...but guess what? You can't change what's happened in the past, Jewel knows that, and so do you. I'll take any guesses as to what may have happened that made Jewel feel like this (yeah, in case you hadn't noticed, this story is narrated in first person from Jewel's POV).<em>

_ It's not that I enjoy being evil, or torturing the characters, I'm simply a writer, and I've got a to of ideas to share with you...this is one of them. Hope you either loved it or hated it so far. So, keep reading, you'll be able to enjoy most of the story so far, but again, this is rated M for a very important reason! It's real life...nature's cruel, get used to it...  
><em>


	2. Catalyst

_**Author's Note: **Well, I hope you all kept reading this, and please, don't hesitate to voice your concerns. Oh, I guarantee you won't like this story, and if you do, I can give you the phone number of a decent psychologist...with whom I'm currently talking to as I write this. JK, but for those of you who didn't heed the warning in the story's summary, this is your chance to leave and avoid the suffering. Jewel certainly would recommend that you do so...you only have a few chapter before it starts getting REALLY ugly._

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><p><em><strong>CHAPTER 2<strong>_

"Where are you going?" I asked. Blu was fixing his flight feathers one last time, meticulously as he always did, proud of his plumage. He'd decided on a varied nut-and-berry breakfast to get us started today, and my stomach grumbled in agreement. He'd grown fond of planning our meals and searching for the ingredients. Apparently he enjoyed the concoction of his own food, saying he'd found the chef inside of him. Don't ask me what a "chef" is, but I'm assuming it has something to do with putting food together.

"I thought I'd hit the grove four kilometers west of here," he responded matter-of-factly.

Kilometers? I'd never really measured, but he took delight in showing off his intellect. I had to admit it was… charming, but for some stupid reason, that day it affected me. I was impatient, I guess, and his quick wit which usually just made him himself, and made me love him even more, it dug deep under my skin…and I responded. I should have thought, there was something inside of me which told me to just shut up and sit still for two more weeks, until the eggs hatched. Now I realize that it was instinct, my own common sense, my consciousness whispering from the depths of my subconscious, warning me, and still I didn't listen. It just came out of me before I could close my beak, and I regretted it as it was coming out of my beak.

"Blu, maybe today I could…I could go with you."

He reacted badly. Very badly. I almost flinched with the shocked glance he threw at me, as if I'd told him I wanted to clip my feathers. I knew he didn't want me stressing myself, but I couldn't deal with the boredom, it just ate away at me from within the corners of my mind. My will-power was slowly disintegrating and my raw animalistic side begun to take over my body. The side of me that only cared about itself. Blu didn't know her, and she wasn't making a very good first impression. He just turned towards me, that hurt, confused, and shocked expression on his otherwise beautiful face. How I miss it.

"Jewel…"

He began walking towards me, speaking slowly, as if I had difficulties understanding his words. I won't lie, I felt a bit insulted by his condescending tone, but I'd tolerated it…until now. He was the love of my life, and we all have our shortcomings. Of course, now I realize I should have just listened to him. Now I would've rather been beaten instead of having brought upon us everything that I did. But of course, I'm not smart, I'm not worthy of Blu, of my life. I felt as though I was going through an injustice, so I fought it.

"Blu, I need to fly…I love you, and I love our children, but this is killing me!"

I had tears in my eyes now; it was true, and it truly was hurting me. I just wanted to fly for a while, feel the freedom that had been mine for so long. I guess I didn't understand the responsibility that had been bestowed upon me when I chose to have children. I never really had a mother, so I didn't really know how to go through with it…or so I keep telling myself. Empty words forming a disgusting excuse, which I hate with the utmost rage. But I can't shake that moment, I remember looking down from shame at what I'd just said, regaining a bit of control, and letting a single tear drop to the nest's floor.

When I looked back up at Blu I was horrified. I'd clearly hurt him deeply, probably because I made him feel as if my being a mother was killing me. I'd practically told him that I held myself as a higher priority than our children. It wasn't true, and oh how I wish I'd just apologized and stayed. But no, I'm stupid like that. I'm self-justifying, and I despise it. That was my last chance, and I blew it by ignoring my mate.

"Jewel, you have to stay with the eggs. If something happens…"

"Nothing's going to happen!"

I practically yelled at him, my own lust for freedom overpowering my more sensible, logical side. I should have laid down and died right there, but fate is justice, and justice is making birds pay for their mistakes.

Blu's face had twisted into a horrible mask of pain, and I could feel his pain echoing in my own chest. I remember thinking how could I be so cruel? And yet, I still couldn't help myself. Blu just shook his head, clearly affected by all this. I can only imagine the things that went through his head at that very moment, the moment he made his decision. A decision which I'll admit made me hate him more than I'd ever hated anyone. Blu closed his eyes and sighed, and without saying anything, a tear dropped from his light blue eyelids as he turned his body away from me, giving me his back. And the last thing I felt was the cool gentle breeze that emanated from his wings as he flapped off to get our breakfast.

My brain boiled within my now cracked cranium, and my thoughts became blurred…or maybe that was just my tears clouding my vision. I'd never felt so much rage, but not towards Blu. Now, as I watch over my life, making this final choice, I realize I felt infuriated at myself, and for the worst possible reason. I hated myself for tying myself down with Blu. This thought is amongst the bitterest of those within my recollections, and it's the only thing that keeps me going. I'll extract revenge on myself for ever having done this. I will make sure those kinds of thoughts never again ruin anybody's lives, as they did mine. This feeling, it's like a poison, and I can't describe the sheer joy I feel when I spot the perfect ending to this pain.

No, I can describe it. It's the joy of finally ridding the world of an evil entity that destroyed me, finding the antidote to my poison and drinking it, fully conscious of all its consequences…however dire and final they may seem.


	3. Memories

_**Author's**__**Note: **In case you haven't noticed, Jewel is talking to you. Yes, in this story, Jewel is letting "you" know just exactly what happened to her, and everything she thinks and feels. I know interactive stories are strictly prohibited here on FF, but it's not necessarily interactive. You is referring to someone...who? It is an OC graciously donated by a popular author here on FF, whose identity will be revealed later on...for now, just try not to imagine Jewel's pain too much, or you might end up getting hurt...It's happened to me before!  
><em>

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><p><em><strong>CHAPTER 3<strong>_

I remember in my teenage years, I went into the city slums with a few other macaws that I had thought were my friends. The details are fuzzy now, but I do remember the pressure I felt as the bowl was passed around, and the clear white liquid that sloshed around made me recoil from its smell. Once it sat in front of me, I felt the piercing stares of those cruel birds as they urged me to take a drink. I was about to pass on it, about to be the ridicule of all my so-called friends, when a malicious wing pushed me forward, and my beak fell into the alcoholic drink.

It was awful, and it burned my insides as I accidentally tried gasping for air inside the bowl. A rather large gulp of the vodka washed down into my stomach, but not before it affected my entire nervous system. My vision became blurred, my motor functions lost their elegance, and my conscience drowned in the vile swill. I felt a round of laughter erupt from my fellow drunk-birds as I staggered backwards. I still remember that same malicious wing on my back, exploring other nearby areas of my body. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't respond efficiently, and all I could do was let out a jumble of vowels and consonants as I tried to stagger away, flapping his wing off with my own. Or was it her wing?

The only things I remember after that were jeering taunts as I flew off, doing my best to avoid the pulsating buildings and structures around me. My decision-making was influenced by my drunken state, my vision was blurred, and my senses didn't respond like they usually did.

What does this far-off memory have to do with my sorry life now? Because the exact same way that my decision-making was corrupted by alcohol, it was corrupted by rage and selfishness two days ago, after Blu flew off. My vision was blurred, and my insides burned as if I'd swallowed a wingfull of red hot live coals. It was worse than when I'd drunk that awful beverage, and this time the only jeering taunts I heard came from within myself.

God, how I hate that voice, that disgusting voice that came from that bird. That bird that I simply couldn't wait to rid the world of. Telling me that I hadn't done anything to deserve that sort of treatment from Blu. Telling me that I could, I should, treat him like he treated me. Simply fly off, prove to him that he was wrong, prove to myself that I was free of any earthly ties. Never…never did that bird, that voice, mention anything about my children. Never did I take into consideration what was best for everybody at that moment.

I'm guessing you already know what I did, and just know…just know that I couldn't feel worse about it all. Just look at me, huh? Haven't I suffered enough? Haven't I proved my regret? If I felt sorrier, I'd already have done what I'm going to do anyways. Yeah, you saw it too didn't you? There's nothing you can do to stop me, I'll find a way, but just please, promise me…promise me you'll tell Blu…that I hope he can go on. I don't want him to forgive me, I just want him to carry on living, to forget me, and forget our lives together. Tell him I'm done suffering, so why should he keep on carrying the weight of my mistake. Help him, make him see that he still has hope. Make sure he meets a nice bird, and he forms a new family. Please, just promise me that, will you?

Well, I'll just take your word for it. I can't do it myself, I can't look at Blu, I couldn't bear to hear his voice. I know him, and he wouldn't hurt me, he wouldn't judge me for my mistakes. He'd try to understand me, try to forgive me and try to help me ease back into his life, and himself into mine. But I can't let him do that. He doesn't deserve that kind of punishment. He deserves better.

Better than the bird that killed him inside. Better than the bird that I am, plucked and beaten, bloody and stripped of all my dignity. There are only two things left for me to do. The first is telling you this so you can tell Blu the truth, and help erase me from his world, from his life, and from his memories.


	4. Fatal Flaw

_**Author's Note:** Well, you've guessed it...sorry if I didn't give you enough time to change the story, but did you honestly think you could save Jewel from fate? It only takes a split second, a rash decision, and suddenly, you spend the rest of your miserable life regretting that exact moment when everything changed...Still, what happened to Blu?_

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><p><em><strong>CHAPTER 4<strong>_

And so, I did the unthinkable, the unforgivable, the only thing that was keeping me from my own personal pleasure…the only thing that I shouldn't have done. I opened my wings, and flew away.

I felt the adrenaline pumping though me once again, without having to be in contact with another bird. I felt the gentle graze of the wind brush through my feathers, and I allowed the changing currents to carry me where they pleased. I was free, and it felt incredible, my spirit finally letting go, and my mind starting to clear. If something could make me feel like that again, I would give my life. In fact, right now I'm starting to believe that the only way I can feel that way once more…but that comes later. I still have time, I still have a choice…although, as the sun sets, I feel like I have fewer and fewer reasons to avoid that good night.

I watched the striking emerald sea of the rainforest's canopy rush behind me as I soared above. I had never flown so high, but my mind needed clearing, and the humidity of the clouds and the scarcity of oxygen helped block out my emotions. I glided for so long that soon enough the emerald became dotted with random spots and lines of gray, and before I realized it, I'd reached the city. As sure as the slums eventually ended, the luxurious hotels began, and the bay came into view. It sparkled in the bright sun that was by then creeping closer and closer to its zenith. I adjusted my flight feathers, tilted my wings, and changed my flight pattern into a descent.

As soon as I landed, I felt the warmth of the golden sand on my feet and let my muscles relax. For the first time in weeks, I enjoyed myself, sat on the beach, letting the hot sparkling sand warm my body as I watched the ocean tides from the relatively empty spot of the beach. The incoming storm had driven away most of the usual occupants, and the only ones around were a few love-struck tourists and a flock of seagulls, with the occasional pigeon and city bird that fluttered past.

If you had asked me at that moment what I was going to do, I would have told you that I was going to watch the sun set over the tranquil waters. I would have stayed until the cool tropical rains washed over the city and cleansed my body. I would have told you I'd do anything, but of course, that's not how life works. I keep telling myself that if I had remembered just a few minutes earlier, if I had realized what I'd done before I'd reached the slums, maybe, just maybe…maybe things would have turned out alright.

But as I sat there, I remember, watching a lazy pelican soar over the ocean, searching for easy prey, I remembered…much too late. It hit me harder than anything had ever hit me before. I've been in fights with a lot of birds, and I've been thrown around and pummeled badly in the past. But nothing, I swear, nothing in the world had ever hit me as hard, affected me as much as that cold feeling of sheer terror as I realized the mistake I'd committed.

I won't lie to you…I started crying right then and there. The tears wouldn't stop and my fear procured from me the scariest sounds I've ever heard myself make. I probably got the immediate attention of every living thing, prey and predator, bird and human alike as I flapped wildly, throwing sand all around me in an angry yet futile attempt to lift myself from the ground. It seemed to be holding me down, like a 200-pound cage preventing me from flying towards my helpless children. I knew what I had done, I knew that I'd put them in danger, and I knew something had happened. If not, Blu would have returned by now, and he would never forgive me.

Funny, how that kind of thing works. If I returned today, he'd probably forgive me. Yet if nothing had happened, If I had just returned to find him waiting, furious because I'd left…he'd have kicked me out, thrown me out of his life. Now I'm doing the same to him, but this is for the best. I know it.

Don't ask me how I managed to find my way home, and how I got there so fast. I just flapped my wings tirelessly until it hurt, and then I flapped harder. All the while I could hear myself involuntarily speaking to no one at all,

"No…no…no…please, dear god no!"

I uttered silent prayers that I was wrong, that everything was fine, in between every panting breath. I tried convincing myself to believe that I was being paranoid…as stupid an idea as I'd ever had, and useless just the same. I will admit however, that I am rather amazed at the fact that I managed to get back to our tree with all those salty tears streaming out of my eyes. I could only see a blurry grey and white medley, mixed with a light blue above and a thick dark green below. Still, I can still feel it, that feeling, that sixth sense that beckoned me home, told me something was wrong. It still calls to me, telling me to go back home…but I can't…and not only because of what happened when I arrived. It's too late for me anyways.

And for as long as I still remember what I saw when I reached the tree overlooking our nest, when I collapsed, breathless, I'll never…never…

The branches tore through my plumage as I crash-landed in the tall tropical tree, but I didn't care. I couldn't spread my wings and fly within its canopy, so I dragged myself through the leaves, causing more damage to my wings and body, until I came into sight of my nest, my children, the most awful sight I've ever had the displeasure of observing. The second worst, actually.

It was sickening, and all my fears had come true. I hope you never have to go through anything like it, and I sincerely hope you learn from my mistake, lest it happen to you.

I froze. My heart stopped beating, my lungs stopped breathing, and my muscles failed me. I watched, filled with self-disgust, at the most horrible thing anybody can ever wish to see. I could feel my body convulse, and I gagged, my body taking control of itself and writhing, probably wanting to punish me for my stupidity. I just wish I had blacked out. But no, I fell. I fell through the branches, and only instinct saved me from a clear death as my wings automatically spread, slowing my descent, and leaving me only with a few bruises on my body and this cut on the back of my head. If only I had died right then and there…


	5. Life's Ruins

_**CHAPTER 5**_

I'm so sorry…I don't know if I can…it's just…

I mean, I know, that's how the world works, but it's just too cruel, just too…heartless. I watched that damned reptile wrapping its unhinged jaws around my baby, my unborn baby, Blu's baby…my brain couldn't process what was going on right in front of me…and when I looked up, all I could see was my life painfully being ripped apart, piece by piece. You know the worst part? I didn't do anything about it.

I mean, sure I was hurt, I was in pain, I was in shock, but still…I'm still not sure how long I spent frozen on the floor, lying in my own bodily fluids, unable to move. I was on my back looking up at the swinging tail end of the bright green reptile, coiled around the branch above our hollow. If I had at least ushered forth the strength to fly up there and peck and claw at it, I might have saved at least one of my…my chicks…I'm sorry…just…just give me a minute.

By the…By the time I finally got back on my knees, my head feathers were dripping salty tears, and my beak wouldn't respond, otherwise I would have wailed loud enough to alert every bird within 10 kilometers. I just wanted to make the world feel like I felt, hopeless, with no reason left to be. If I had found that bloody snake afterwards, I would have made it feel pain like no living thing should feel. It was only surviving, but that doesn't make me any more compassionate. It doesn't matter, nothing could make it feel as much pain as I do now.

I could have dropped dead right then and there, and I would have saved so many birds so much trouble. And yet…and yet I will never forget what happened then. I heard my name.

"Jewel…" Blu whispered, barely audible over the rustling of the trees. Then, the most horrifying sound I'd ever heard him make…

"JEWEL!"

He screamed my name at the top of his lungs, and I looked up just in time to see a flurry of dark cerulean feathers bolt into my nest, joining a now fully alert adult snake. Several nuts and berries dropped down to the jungle floor, joining me with gravity's pull. It was too much. Blu thought I was in the nest, he probably thought I was dead, and yet there I was, a coward, sitting there in fear and self-pity on a pile of dirt, leaves, blood and tears.

The following seconds were simply horrible. I watched as the lower part of the snake writhed angrily, a loud constant hissing emanating from within the hollow, all the while, a flurry of dark blue feathers escaping from within. I had no way to know what was happening, it was too crazy, too frightening. Loud squawks and screeches mixed with a throng of unintelligible words and phrases reached my ears, and slowly killed me. Blu didn't know how to fight, and he was up against a probably-poisonous snake…I couldn't believe that I was losing everything I loved so quickly…and it was all my fault.

And then…and then….

A mother should not outlive her children. Neither should a father. And neither should any parent witness the death of…of one of their own babies. As the chaos within my once-peaceful home continued, I just lost all hope, all hope that perhaps one of my chicks had survived. And life has a cruel way of making sure you know exactly what's going on…no mystery, no drama, just plain and simply…right there, right in front of you.

And just like my soul did that moment, I saw a beautiful white oval on the edge of my nest…drop. I was frozen in place, and time seemed to have halted as I awaited the death of my child.

The sheer horror, guilt, the entire feeling is just indescribable. Have you ever loved something, and then watched it die in front of you? Well, you can only imagine what that felt like. The worst part? It was all my fault, my chick, my own flesh and blood, I killed it, and I saw and felt and heard it crash and die just a few centimeters from me.

Everything happened so slowly, I could have counted the fragments of shell as they exploded once the egg impacted on the cold unforgiving floor.

I closed my eyes and dropped to my knees as I felt the burning hot albumen come into contact with my beak. I emptied everything in my stomach right then and there as the smell of death reeked all around me. My ears stopped listening, my whole body shook and I couldn't control my movements. I trembled all over as I looked at what once was supposed to be my child, the wet, splattered remains of the very same bird my mate had been so sweetly whispering to just a few hours ago. The very same bird to which I'd given life…and now I had taken it away from her, unjustly…

The silence was unbearable; nothing existed in that abyss into which I fell so suddenly. My insides burned and I tasted the bile in my mouth as I crawled forwards towards the shattered egg. The embryo hadn't developed fully yet, and that just made it all much gorier. And as I lay there in front of the innocent bird that I'd killed, its blood on my feathers as I tried scooping up all the liquid being absorbed by the earth; a useless futile attempt at putting life back into the sorry remains, trying to piece the egg back together, I died.

My soul simply…died. I had no reason left to live, and I knew right then and there that I could never face another living thing for as long as I still walk this earth and fly this sky. In that moment, I let out a wail that even now, I don't understand how Blu didn't hear it…or perhaps it did…and maybe that's what killed him.


	6. Aftershock

_**CHAPTER 6**_

So life was making me pay. Justice is something that I had always thought was for evil birds, birds that only cared about themselves, and put themselves above others. That day, I found out that it was true…and I was one of those birds.

I can't deny it, I'm not responsible, and I can't be responsible for anything other than me…I wanted to be a mother, but without all the responsibility. Clearly, I didn't understand what those three white ovals implied. It wasn't just sitting on them all day and then throwing them off a branch so they'd fly. It was so much more. And as I let out that sickening wail, I heard a screech from up above, don't ask me how.

Not only had I killed my children, ruining Blu's life and crushing his hopes and dreams, I killed Blu. He must have heard my scream, and distracted him. He didn't know how to fight, he didn't know that you should always stay alert towards your opponent…so the venomous reptile sank its fangs into my mate, my Blu…and it was all over. I looked up at the hollow just in time to see the snake slither away through the branches and disappear into the green patches above.

Then, absolute silence. I checked, and my ears were working just fine then, it wasn't me. There was no noise because there was nothing left alive to make any noise. I was shaking so hard…so hard…I don't know how or even why, but I picked myself up and half-dragged, half-limped my way away from the cruel bloody scene behind me. I couldn't deal with it. I had to get away, go somewhere where I could think. Somewhere where I could let the events that had occurred permeate my thoughts. All the way, I crawled through the jungle floor, sobbing until no tears were left, I felt dehydrated, and I wouldn't have been surprised if I started crying crimson tears. It would have been easier to bleed to death that way.

My heart beat so hard, yet so slow, like it was purposefully beating as hard as it could against my hard ribcage, trying to knock itself out. I felt like doing the same thing, but with what little strength I had left, I would have only amassed a collection of purple and black bruises on my head.

Life had appeared before me just a few days ago with promises of eternal joy and happiness, and my own demons had torn it to shreds. My senseless urgency to soar free in the skies had destroyed everything that I had come to love…love with the deepest parts of my previously unexplored heart…and now realization sunk in. If it had been my life the one that was ruined, if I had been the one swallowed or bitten by the snake, the one to fall and shatter in pieces, then it wouldn't have hurt. I would have gone on peacefully, knowing that I paid for my mistakes…but no.

Why did I need to fly? It's symbolic; it represents my entire being, my entire existence, my philosophy. No need to rely on anyone, and by default, no one relied on me. Blu had at first held me down to the ground, he relied on me, and I detested it. But he showed me, in his own silly, awkward way that depending on others wasn't all bad. It was what love was all about, relying on the other to live happily, needing the other to feel complete. Oxhíva heal his anguished soul.

I let him convince me to love, to let my heart depend on others, to allow myself the need. The need to be with him, to share everything with him, to fly by his side, and share my heart with him. I had allowed him in return to take me as his own, to please me and please himself, to engage in the most intimate of acts, and to create a physical representation of our love in my womb. And just as quickly as I'd allowed my life to change for the better, my selfish nature betrayed me and took everything away.

Maybe, just maybe, if I had stayed there I might have avoided that awful encounter later on…I mean, how was I supposed to explain, there were no words to justify my actions.

And so I don't remember how far I went, how long I wandered through the desolate rainforest floor. The usual feeling of insecurity and threat at being at predators' range was nonexistent. I no longer feared death, it would have alleviated my suffering. Still, I didn't have the strength. I couldn't even think about it, I couldn't think, my head swam in an open and turbulent sea of emotion, and I was lost. Not only lost in what to think, I was lost in the wild intolerant jungle.

Oh, I didn't care. Whatever happened to me now, it couldn't do me any harm. I was invincible, I was protected by a hard unbreakable shell of, believe it or not, pain. Nothing could be worse than the guilt that seeped into my blood, into my brain, it poisoned me from the inside. Whoever said that emotions don't affect your health, well, they should try guilt sometimes. It'll make your entire system rebel against you. Your stomach twists and burns your entire digestive tract with its foul acids. Your muscles try to shake loose and get away from you in the forms of convulsions. Your lungs turn the oxygen you breathe into sharp shards of glass to run through your bloodstream. And your mind…oh your mind will do its best to destroy you.

Every single dreadful image of what had happened replayed on an endless loop, worse than reliving it. I saw Blu's face, twisted in horror as he looked into our nest. I saw the faces of my unborn chicks, chirping innocently, their eyes pure white. They looked at me and would not leave. Their beautiful faces, they looked just like Blu, a beautiful display of thousands of different blue hues. Suddenly, in my mind I saw them grow, and they were adults, full grown, and they flew. Oh they flew so high, laughing, rejoicing in their freedom, their liberty, their lives…Oh my babies were flying so high.

I walked and I crawled and I dragged my sorry corpse until my feathers turned a sorry array of blue-tinted muddy brown. Nature itself conspired against me as the pregnant grey clouds released their load upon me, soaking me from head to toe. I closed my eyes and turned my head upwards, opening my beak and letting the sweet rain wash away the taste of vomit from my beak. I spat out the first mouthful and swallowed the second, and the third, and the fourth, until I felt my belly gurgle with liquid, pleasantly satisfied with the refreshing drink.

With my energy partially restored, my brain began functioning much more efficiently, the raw animal side resurfacing, demanding its basic necessities. Food, water, shelter, warmth. I hadn't eaten anything since last night…and I'd emptied the contents of my stomach throughout the day. I was consuming myself, but I didn't want to die like that, at least not yet. The way I want to die, I wanted it to be quicker, less time-consuming, and without pity.

Soon enough I came across a bundle of berries laying on the ground, apparently having fallen from above hours ago at least. They were shriveled up and soft, almost brownish, their reddish hue only slightly obvious. Still, I didn't even deserve that quality of food, yet I forced it past my palette, and swallowed the nutrient rich food. At least I wouldn't die of hunger just yet. I plucked a few more and ate them as slowly as possible, relishing in my own suffering as the bitter acidic taste burned my taste buds. It was torture, but I did deserve that. I cringed as I forced the last berry down my esophagus, my tongue now burnt by its acids, I figured I wouldn't taste anything again for a few hours, and I just wished I wouldn't have to live that long.

Thunder crashed a considerable distance away, and was drowned out by the sudden increase of rainfall. It began to fall so hard, it made my tears seem insignificant. Still, I carried on, heading in whichever way, not much of a meal, covered in mud and dirt, walking in the rain, any predator that spotted me probably thought I was some strange form of noxious toad. I don't know why I decided to look up at that moment, but when I did, I saw lightning light up the evening sky and highlight a memorable landmark that I immediately recognized, and only made me feel worse.

Holding back sobs, my feet compulsorily carried me towards the towering lookout post, the same strange structure where Blu and I had spent our first night while chained to each other. Once I reached its base, I didn't even hesitate. I held my wings close to my body, and I grasped the foot of the construction with my beak. I tried clawing my way up, but I had only managed to drag myself a few meters off the ground when my beak slipped on the slippery wood, and I crashed on the ground. My bones were now joining the rest of my body in a painful conspiracy to slowly make me lay down in defeat and die.

I stood back up, feeling even more pain spread through my body, but I welcomed it and challenged the pain to bring me down once again. It didn't, so with a grimace, I tried again, this time making it only a few centimeters up before falling back down.

On the fifth try, I was ready to give in. my whole body trembled with pain and grief, guilt as well as rage joining the mosaic of feelings inside of me. I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed my head between my wings, trying to relieve myself of all these feelings, and I broke down. It was too much, everything was over, no reasoning left to calm my soul. I suddenly felt the entire weight of reality crushing me, sickening me, and I wailed and sobbed, rehydrated, my tears continued rolling. My eyes were dry and my throat was hoarse, but I continued my senseless fit like a madbird. It was the recapitulation of everything that I felt, and my cries alerted every predator around. I felt my voice failing me, almost as if it didn't believe what I was doing it, but it sounded less like crying and more like a wounded animal. I collapsed in the mud, still squirming weakly, trying to make sense of everything in this mixed up world, and that's when the thunder stopped just enough for me to hear it. I heard my name again, and I didn't know what to feel.

Should I have felt relieved? Should I have felt worse? Funny how at that moment, I felt fear, and somehow I managed to climb up the tower and hide from a bird I'd thought dead just as he crashed into the mud down below.


	7. A Different Point Of View

_Author's Note: __I would just like to briefly thank WolfOnFyre/Rapture at Sea for his help in creating and developing this story, and for generously donating one of his own Original Characters, coming up soon! Expect her around chapters 12 or 13, but this is just an estimate. For now, We've gone back in time, believe it or not...You've seen how Jewel felt throughout that day...but what about Blu?_

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><p><strong><em><span>CHAPTER 7<span>_**

The day had begun just like any other, and I'm sick and tired of thinking about that. The fact that the sun shone bright just like every other day, keeping the storm at bay…for a while. The way that my feathers were in order and none of them were missing. The way that Jewel's warmth kept me at ease, and made me want to sleep next to her forever. The way she shifted her weight as she woke, comforting my sleeping children, our unborn chicks. I was happy, happier than I'd ever been before in my life. Life. Life has a way of showing the true, the raw soul of a person, what's inside every single one of us. That day I found out who I really was, and what that beautiful bird that awoke next to me hid beneath her sparkling plumage.

A part of me had always been wary of her, something deep in my mind telling me to stay away from her, that we didn't belong together. But the truth was that we did match, we were destined to get together, because we were the same, deep down. We were selfish, with our biased perceptions of ourselves getting in the way of our actions and feelings, and making us do things that we both later would regret. Still, how can I forgive her? How can I fix this? I'm torn in two, both sides of me battling each other in a bloody battle to decide what to do next. I mean, how can I go on? And once…and once it…How can I explain this, how can I...? When the time comes, I don't know if I'll be able to do what I know I should do…

_2 days ago_

I was flying. I was soaring in the clouds, far above the city; the bay looked to be about the size of a puddle from my height. It was the most realistic dream I'd had…do far. I didn't know it, but I'd never have a normal dream ever again after that.

I knew it was a dream because I was flying higher than it was physically possible. Below me I only saw dark patches of blue and green, mixed with a medley of grey in some parts, while above me…above me, as I flew upside-down, I saw a million stars, looking down from heaven, blinking in a thousand different hues of blue, white, and silver. I kept flying; I knew I had to catch up, but with what? That answer was soon revealed to me as I passed through a moist cloud, leaving droplets of moisture on my feathers, and I saw her. She flew slowly, flapping her wings gracefully, yet she was flying so far ahead of me. Her tail feathers danced strangely behind her, as if there was no gravity to keep them in place. It was beautiful.

I flapped harder and faster, knowing I had to catch up with Jewel, it was necessary, I couldn't wait for her to slow down, it was a matter of life or death. I was almost next to her when all of a sudden, time slowed down. It was just like when I first saw Jewel that day in the artificial habitat…the mysterious flying bird turned slowly, glowing like an actual angel. I froze, halting my flight and hovering just below her, and as I looked into her eyes, I realized…it wasn't Jewel.

The first thing I should have thought was "what am I doing dreaming about another bird?", but it wasn't like that. I didn't know this bird, I wasn't attracted to her like I was to Jewel, and still, I felt love.

She looked like Jewel, but with much lighter plumage, a few darker feathers fanning throughout her wings giving her a striking appearance. Her head feathers were arranged in a way different to Jewel's, they were longer and curled seductively upwards, almost crowning her head, and highlighting her eyes…her eyes. They weren't that aquamarine Blu characteristic of Jewel, they were a dark olive green.

As we both hovered there, gazing into each other's eyes, I felt lost in my emotions. I didn't know what to feel, what to think, or what to say. Out of nowhere, I felt warmth on my body, and a strange feelings, like I was just now surfacing from an hour-long dive underwater, and before I awoke, I saw her beak open as she spouted out four words. Four words that would answer all my questions in the years to come.

"_Only time will tell…"_

With that, she stretched out one of her wings and ran them across my head feathers. It felt so real, and when she reached my beak, it tickled both in my dream and in my body. I snorted, and sneezed a muffled sneeze, bringing myself into reality.

The whole rush of my transition from dream to life made me sit up abruptly, and I instinctively scratched at my beak were the bird's feathers had prickled me. Once I opened my eyes, I caught sight of the true culprit behind my waking, my mate.

She was just as beautiful as the day I'd met her, and thoughts of that other mysterious dream bird disappeared as I looked at her. Jewel truly was just that, a shining gem in my life, highlighting everything that was so beautiful so far. Oh how I loved her, I loved my soul mate, I loved the mother of my children…

Sleep was still trying to lull me back into my dreams, and perhaps I should have allowed it, but instead, I used my wings to wipe the last remaining signs of weariness from my face. When I dropped my wings back behind me and opened my eyes once again, I saw Jewel looking at me strangely, expressing something between dreamy satisfaction and mischievous adulation.

"Good morning," she said in an enticingly silky voice.

Her sultry tone brought back memories of our tumultuous activities throughout the previous night, and I felt goosebumps in my skin. It had been a night like none other before, something about the fact that we'd already explored every inch of ourselves, and the challenge of finding new ways to…make each other feel our love. Well, I still had to prove to her that it hadn't been just at night when I'd loved her.

My beak brushed past hers and I gave her a loving peck on her cheek, at the same time taking a deep whiff of her alluring scent, something like almonds and honey that morning. I responded to her greeting,

"Good morning,"

I saw her blush out of the corner of my eyes, but I didn't want to discomfort her further, so I pretended not to notice it by flashing an adoring smile and stretching my sore wings. They'd spent most of the night either tucked uncomfortably beneath me or greedily exploring Jewel's…body.

With a silent groan, I accommodated my shoulders into their appropriate sockets, and returned to my mate, who was staring in a daze at…me. I returned the gaze, and took the opportunity to express my love without any physical contact or words. I simply dived into her aquamarine eyes and felt loved, and so I tried returning that love. I just hope she realized what I felt in that moment, otherwise my entire life was a waste.

Still, I was tired from our activities prior to our sleep, and I would need to replenish my energy before soon, so I did the only thing that came to mind. Bear in mind that I was still a bit dizzy from all the emotion, and I wasn't thinking clearly, hence my response:

"So…"

You have no idea how relieved I was to hear that Jewel felt the same way when she responded.

"So…"

I had no other words, everything that needed to be said had already been said, or expressed in other ways. Oh how I wish we could have stayed frozen like that for eternity. It would have been so much easier, there wouldn't have been any need for the pain that I felt soon afterwards.

My body had other thoughts, or at least certain parts did. I felt a vibration swell up from deep within me, and soon enough I heard the rumble of my stomach clamoring for fuel. It was awkward, that was for sure, but thankfully, Jewel also had her own private battle over control of her body as she felt the urge to visit the porcelain throne, as humans called it. We birds simply called it outside our nest. Still, to ease the obvious discomfort that we both showed, I tried to break the tension with a simple announcement.

"I'll go get breakfast then. You hungry?"

"Yeah…but first I need to…step outside for a sec."

"Alright, I'll just…wait in here then."

I smiled, trying to comfort her and ease her awkwardness, and sure, I'll admit it, trying to hide my own discomposure. I watched as she left, and suddenly, I felt awful. Well, it wasn't a bad feeling, but the fact that she wasn't with me, even if it was just for a second, it always made me feel empty inside, utter loneliness. And imagine now how I feel, if such was the magnitude of my emotions when she left for no more than 15 seconds…now that she's gone…probably forever.

I took the opportunity to gaze at the only other true love in my life, my children. I imagined what they would look like as they grew, I'd even been thinking of names for each of them, for every possible combination of their genders. I crouched down and felt their warmth.

"Good morning to you too," I whispered.

"I'm going to go get your mother some breakfast and then I'll be back here to tell you a story, how's that sound? Alright?"

Yes, I know, it was silly of me to speak to three eggs sitting peacefully on a nest, but now I don't regret having done that, because I know someday I'll live up to that promise.

Jewel came inside just as I continued whispering sweet nothings to my offspring, and I felt tremendously embarrassed. I wish now that I hadn't blushed so brightly, but I don't regret the smile that I gave to Jewel. I meant every word, every expression, I loved her, I loved her for being the mother of my children, for being my mate, for being the other half of me…and now. Now that she's not here anymore, I miss her…I miss her so much. And now there was really only one thing left for me to do…

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><p><em>Well, running low on reviews, so maybe I'll just quit...jk! But seriously, if you enjoy the story, or absolutely hate it, leave a review, let me know how it makes you feel...is it real enough or is it too cliched? is it senseless or am I doing an appropriate job conveying the characters and events? And can you guess what I hinted about in this chapter? If you guess correctly, you'll win a prize! But what could it be...?<em>


	8. Mistaken

_**CHAPTER 8**_

I'd already planned the entire day in my head, I knew precisely what I would bring back home for breakfast, where I would go to bring Jewel the supplies to expand the nest, I even knew the flower I was going to bring her back to surprise her. I had already assumed that everything would go my way, and that just proved to myself how selfish I truly was. But I guess I got what I deserved. Justice is making birds pay for their mistakes, for their shortcomings, and this is my punishment.

I had never met my parents, never felt my mother's warmth, nor my father's protection. Still, I had the fortune to be adopted by a kindhearted motherly human child, and she gave me warmth and protection for 15 years. I guess I could be considered a spoiled bird of sorts, never having been in actual harm's way…although the human's bathroom could be as dangerous as the jungle…

Now it was my turn to offer warmth and protection to my children and to my mate. The only problem was that I didn't know how to do that. I let instinct take over, and my instinct told me to leave Jewel at home, and take care of everything myself. I guess there are some things that instinct can't help with. I knew that Jewel hated not being able to fly, but I was convinced that she had to stay in the nest. I was so selfish. Honestly, how bad could it have been if I'd stayed behind taking care of the eggs, and allowed her to fly free?

Now it's too late, and I'd rather clip my wings before having to fly without her. Still, I have my own obligations now, and before I join her, there's still one last thing I have to do in this world.

I preened my wings while Jewel watched, and even though I still didn't feel too comfortable with other birds watching me preen, I knew Jewel. She wasn't secretly criticizing, she was simply appreciating me as I appreciated her.

"Where are you going?" she said.

I was a bit befuddled by the question; she knew I did this every morning, I was going to get breakfast. Then I realized she was asking me where exactly I was going to search for our alimentation. Was she growing suspicious of me? Did she think I would betray her trust? I answered truthfully, for I had nothing to hide back then.

"I thought I'd hit the grove four kilometers West of here."

She seemed a bit taken aback, as if something I'd said offended her, rubbed her the wrong way. I paid no attention to it, even though now I would give anything to be with her and no one else; give her all the attention I could possibly give.

"Blu, maybe today I could…I could go with you."

I flinched. Was she actually saying what I thought I'd heard? How could she offer to leave the children by themselves? They were eggs, they needed protecting, and I should have been the one to do so. At that moment, my mind was clouded by selfishness and I wouldn't allow her the liberty she deserved. She deserved a break, and I didn't give it to her. She snapped because of me.

"Jewel…"

I approached her, making sure to enunciate clearly, I didn't want any misunderstanding caused by jumbled words. This only seemed to enrage her further, make her lose all sagacity…I caused her to jump off the brink of conscious sense.

"Blu, I need to fly…I love you, and I love our children, but this is killing me!"

How could she be so…so…so ignorant! Was she blind? I had never lived in the jungle, but ever since I had, something inside of me had flicked on, like a light switch. I knew what I had to do to survive, I knew I couldn't fly high above the canopy, and I knew we couldn't leave the nest alone. Jewel put her head down, and I saw a tear drop from her eyes.

I hated myself for making her feel like this. Her once wild and free spirit had become tame and sedentary, tied down by my love for her. It was my fault, and I would have to fix this myself. But for now, she had to stay behind. I had to make her understand

"Jewel, you have to stay with the eggs. If something happens…"

"Nothing's going to happen!"

She practically shouted out her mad reassurance. I felt torn, I wanted to help her, to be with her, to love her and let her be free. But now I needed her to stay with our children, to care for them. She looked at me and I saw it in her face. She was being driven mad, slowly but surely. I could tell she felt regret for her words, but at the same time, I saw a broiling rage beneath her skin, something behind her eyes, in the deepest, darkest parts of her heart.

I did not know this bird that stood before me now. She was addicted to the liberty that came hand in hand with loneliness. It was as if she'd been on this cruel drug for so long, and now when she had to give it up, she'd grown desperate. She was going through a desperate withdrawal, and there was nothing left for me to do. I had to give her time to think. It was for the best…or at least I thought so.


	9. Gathering

_**Author's Note:** __Well, here it is...sorry I didn't update sooner...but stick around! I'll publish the next chapter in a while! Hopefully, today will be a TRIPLE UPDATE! _

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><p><em><strong>CHAPTER 9<strong>_

I was distraught, I couldn't deny it. I felt as if the only bird I'd ever loved, the only bird I'd ever trusted had betrayed me. Maybe it was my fault. I guess I didn't really know Jewel; I was so blinded by her beauty and her bright beautiful spirit, the way she was, I only saw the good things. But now I know better. I ignored her flaws, however slight they may have been, and however they may have grown…because of me. I pushed her to the edge, I made her snap, I tied her down. She deserved to be free, and yet I had selfishly forced her down to a nest. And it wasn't the first time. When I'd just met her, when I couldn't fly, I took away her freedom with the chain around our ankles. Now, even unchained, I hadn't let her fly free, I loved her, and her love for me killed her.

As I left the tense atmosphere in our nest, I distinctly remember so much emotion that I couldn't hold it all in. I hated showing weakness in front of my mate, the one who I should have been protecting, but I couldn't hold back my tears. It's stupid, I know, it wasn't really enough to cry about, it was a simple spat, a marital cliché. Still, it made me feel worse than ever before.

I flapped hard and fast, wanting to get as far away from the situation as possible. Getting plenty of distance was my main priority at that moment, and all the while, I tried to organize my thoughts. It was to no avail, my mind and al my senses were blurred and numbed by what had just happened. I tried to understand, tried to think logically. How could I fix this? What was the next step?

Before I knew it, I had reached the grove where I had planned to pick up our breakfast that morning. I landed on one of the higher boughs of a nearby tree, away from prying eyes, and wiped my tears. I had to stop being so emotional, so weak, so useless. I had to protect Jewel, I had to protect my children, and that could only happen if I stopped putting myself and my ways first. If I was going to be a father, then I'd have to change. I was going to start that very day. Breakfast would be just the beginning, I'd pick a large nutritious selection of nuts, seeds, and berries, and a flower to apologize to Jewel. I wanted to show her that she was right, that she should be free and feel free to be herself.

I put together a makeshift basket out of large dark-green leaves, their mild scent not interfering with the taste of the various berries, and began collecting food. I was absolutely alone in the grove, not a single bird flew past nor stopped to eat all the while. I started thinking, and it occurred to me, the only times I had been so alone were back in my youth, when I was taken by the humans, put inside the plane, and dropped off in snowy Minnesota. From then on I'd always been with Linda, and then Jewel. These early morning trips always felt the same, lonely, yet always filled with anticipation of returning to be with the bird I loved most. That morning was different. I felt something tugging at me to go back immediately, but I ignored it. It just made me feel worse, but I occupied myself by separating the ripe berries from the palatable ones.

Once I'd gotten a sufficient amount of berries, and had cracked several nuts to mix in the medley of colors in the green basket, I made my way back home. I glided slowly this time around, planning ahead what I would say, how I would approach Jewel. I already had it all nearly worked out.

I expected to find her probably sleeping, or pretending to sleep, on top of the eggs. She'd probably be facing the back wall, where I had scratched a window of sorts to allow the breeze through, and it provided a decent view. I would gently land, set the basket down to one side, and place the begonia in front of her. If she were sleeping, she'd wake up to the delectable aroma, and if she wasn't, she'd be pleasantly surprised…hopefully. From then, it would be fairly simple. I would talk to her, apologize for being so selfish, talk about how we felt, how she felt, and then offer to stay with the kids while she went for a glide outside. I know how much she loved the beach, and if I was lucky, I was going to ask Rafael or Eva to babysit our eggs while I took her for a romantic date to the pier.

Oh what a fool I was…

I was about ten meters from our hollow when I heard it, a snap, a crack, and a gentle thud on the jungle floor. It was strange, and it certainly caught my attention. Still, I never got a chance to see what had made that noise, though now I have my suspicions…

I still held the basket in my beak when I alighted on one of the trees facing our own. My nightmares still keep repeating this sight in my mind's eye, clearer and with more detail that I could appreciate that day. I felt cold, freezing cold grip my heart, and my entire body stopped functioning for a fraction of a second. Then, it started up again, adrenaline pumping through me and my heart at my throat.

The basket dropped down to the jungle floor, scattering all remains of my carefully put-together breakfast, while I uttered the only thing that I could think of, despair gripping me, already assuming the worst…

"Jewel…"


	10. Instinct

_**CHAPTER**_** 10**

The snake writhed in joy at the new-found meal, and worked on breaking the shell of my unborn child within its throat. My stomach procured from its depths plenty of bile and tried making its way up and out my throat, but instinct fought it back. Instinct took over me, and I went along with it. I felt like a simple spectator, watching from the stands as a gladiator threw himself at 20 ravenous lions. The only difference was that whatever happened to this brave gladiator, happened to me, the cowardly onlooker.

My first thoughts were of Jewel, what could have happened to her. I didn't see her body, but I couldn't waste any time looking for it. I had to do my best to save my children, those still alive and undigested. I don't know why I did it, but I ushered forth all my strength with a mighty battle-cry of grief and rage, as I yelled,

"JEWEL!

All my thoughts were focused on saving my mate and my children, however impossible it may seem now. Looking back, it was a foolish thing to do, but I don't regret having done it. I thrust myself into the belly of the reptile that hung partially outside the nest, managing to capture all of its attention. It turned with a frightful hiss and looked into my eyes with his, bright yellow eyes, slit black and brimming with fear and rage. I suppose it must have been the fact that I interrupted his midday meal, and that I was enraged, and posed a serious threat to him. Had he, or she, for I didn't really get the chance to ask, noticed that I had no clue as to what I was doing, he might not have worried much.

With a sickening crack, I heard the egg break in the snake's throat, and my heart sank. I heard my child die, right there, inches away from me, and I felt something deep within me die as well. All thoughts of my own safety left my mind and were replaced by a furious maelstrom of vengeance and wrath.

The bright green reptile squirmed, and soon occupied most of the hollow, posing a deadly menace with his poison-laced fangs and muscular coiling body. I let the blood flow freely through my veins, pushed along by my own adrenaline, mostly fear, and my body reacted almost by reflex. I had no control of what I was doing, yet I remember exactly what happened.

My wings flapped and beat at my opponent, with more force than I could ever possibly replicate. It didn't do much more than temporarily stun him and bruise his ribcage severely. He continued hissing and lunged several times at my body, trying to sink his fangs into me and end the battle just as quickly. It only would have meant another meal for him. Still, I somehow managed to stop every one of his attempts with my talons, slashing at his face and keeping it at bay, while I uselessly tried to kill the snake with my once-perfect wings.

The snake made its way around me, forcing my back towards the rear of the hollow, cornering me effectively. I still fought just as hard, trying to peck at its exposed belly and draw its last meal from its guts. I tore at its skin with my talons, and cherished every spot of blood that speckled my coat, especially when it came from the horrid reptile. I was blood-drunk, and my throat quickly grew hoarse from involuntarily releasing squawks and screams, unintelligible I'm sure, mostly in my maddened state.

I don't know if it was a lucky shot, or an extremely unlucky shot, as the snake lunged towards me, fangs bared, straight at my neck. I only had just enough time to move out of the way, and as the scaly head streamed past me, I took advantage of its mistake. I sunk my beak deep into his neck, and tasted fresh blood in my mouth. It disgusted me beyond anything I've ever tasted, but I didn't let go, and the snake writhed helplessly in my grasp, trying to bite me. It was a useless attempt of course. Still, I only realized too late what was happening.

As its coils writhed all over the nest, creating such chaos that it was more like a hollowed filled with random spots of dry leaves and twigs, I saw a sparkling white oval…fall.

With its writhing, the end of the snake hit one of the eggs, one of my chicks, and threw it out unto the cruel harsh world, with no wings, and no hope. It made me lose all my concentration, and I let go of the snake and let out a barely audible whisper,

"No…"

I rushed towards the opening through which yet another part of my life had disappeared. However, my path was blocked by a triumphant predator, who entangled me in his strong torso, and pinned me down to the nest floor, pushing all of its weight down unto my lower body.

The rough scales ripped off patches of feathers and skin, and I felt the warm trickle of oozing blood on my body. The snake, now at an advantage, moved its head towards me, and tried once again to clamp its fangs into my neck. Still, my talons raked his underbelly and my wings pummeled his face, saving me for now. On one of the hits, I struck his sensitive nasal area, and he recoiled. It was a reflex action, but I bit down as hard as possible on his midsection pinning me to the ground, freeing myself immediately. As I took the advantage in the battle once again, I lost it just as quickly, just as before.

Fear. Fear was the only thing that I felt as I heard that abnormal wail. It was like hearing the lamentations of the sorriest, most pain-inflicted creature on the face of the earth. Somehow, I recognized that sound. Jewel.

I felt a horrible feeling of hope, perhaps Jewel was still alive…but if she was alive then there were only a few explanations for what happened, each worse than the previous as they ran through my mind. She might have been bitten by the snake, and might be right then and there lying, paralyzed, bleeding to death at the foot of our tree. I had to help her, I had to save her, but it was getting difficult, especially as two needle-thin fangs sunk into the thick flesh of my upper wing.

"Jewe…Augh!"

Poison began to seep into my bloodstream, and immediately worked wonders on my system. My vision blurred, my eyes watered, and my muscles contrasted in erratic spasms. I lost control of my motor functions, and I felt pain sink deep into my bones. Every millisecond that I remained in the snake's venomous jaws was a millisecond that I died, that Jewel died. I had to get out, help her, and so did something I'm not proud of. I twisted my head backwards and bit down on the snake's skull. Once again I tasted blood, and salty tears, as I blinded the snake and dug my lower beak beneath its Jacobson's organ. It was my last hope, my only choice, and it worked.

The snake retreated immediately, and I felt just a twinge of relief before collapsing, seemingly on death's door. The reptile retreated back into the jungle's darkest reaches, blinded and wounded. I hoped it died of its wounds before I died of mine.


	11. Deadly Search

_**Author's Note: **I believe it is the least I can do right now, to thank _**Rapture at Sea** _for his help with the editing of this story, for which I am very grateful! Still, I doubt this will be the last time I need to mention Rapture to thank him for his numerous contributions to this story! Another thank you to _**Holospartoi258-Alpha01**_, who also assisted me in the plot-planning and brainstorming stages, and continues to offer his assistance!_ _Very well, I'll not bore you with my tedious droning anymore...read on and find out what happened to Blu...Oh, and just to clear a minor misconception, I am grateful to both of the authors mentioned above, but this does not mean that this story is a **collaboration**. Not being defensive, and not saying that it would be a bad thing, just clearing that up! ;D! Now, back to the story!_

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><p><em><strong>CHAPTER<strong>_** 11**

Time meant absolutely nothing in my stupor. My mind was on a delusional joyride through the cruelest levels of my subconscious. I opened and closed my eyes, or at least I thought I did. There was no way of telling if what I saw was reality or just another hazy dream. I preferred the hazy dreams.

The snake's poison had already reached my most important organs: My lungs, my heart, and my brain. My only wish was that it didn't kill me just yet, as there would be plenty of time for dying later. But I couldn't just lie here and go peacefully knowing that Jewel was out there, most likely hurt and in unbearable pain. She needed my help, however small and useless it may be.

The dancing sunlight only managed to highlight the disastrous remains of my life, scattered throughout the hollow's floor. My usually punctual ability to tell the time based on the sun was off, and I couldn't have possibly guessed how long I lay there, in a pool of blood and feathers. It might have only been a few minutes since the attack, or it might have been weeks. All I knew was, I didn't have any more time to waste.

My entire body ached, painful spasms causing my attempts to pick myself up fail miserably. The pain seemed to emanate from my upper right shoulder, yet where the snake had bitten my wing, I didn't feel anything at all. It was all simply numb, yet I could feel the flesh around the puncture wounds burn as if dipped in oil and set alight. It was torture, and as I tried to focus on it, I nearly emptied my bowels.

The flesh around the wound seemed to be rotting almost, like a nasty bruise, which also populated most of my body as well. I looked away from the grisly sight, knowing full well, what it meant if it became infected. Amputation.

Oh, at this point, dying would have been so easy. Simply lay down, close my eyes, and wait for that relief to come over me, to join my children where I could live in peace. But for as long as Jewel was still alive, I couldn't leave her, I just couldn't. We were chained to each other by an unbreakable link. Nothing, not a single thing in the world could break that connection.

Using the last reserves of my energy, I finally managed to lift my sorry excuse of a carcass from the floor, and tried breathing deeply to ease my suffering. Worst. Idea. Ever.

It was like breathing in shards of glass, my entire throat burned and itched as I inhaled the precious and necessary oxygen, and once it settled in my lungs, they tried an improvised mutiny. My chest froze, and my lungs contracted, trying to rid themselves of the pain. I doubled over in pain, and clutched at my sides. I didn't know how much longer I could possibly go on. I coughed by reflex, covering my beak with my wing. Why? I guess I was so used to covering my beak when coughing or sneezing, I just did it automatically. It was even worse when I looked at my blood covered wing. I wasn't a veterinarian or ornithologist, or any of those fancy things, but I definitely know that coughing up blood was not a very good sign of my health.

I stepped towards the edge of the entrance, and peered outside, hoping to catch a fleeting sight of my mate. Instead, I saw the shattered remains of my egg laying there on the jungle floor, being washed away by the rain, which was by now increasing in force. My gag was punctuated efficiently with a thunderous boom as lightning struck the once-peaceful rainforest. No. There was no time for illness, no time for weakness. I had to find Jewel. I flapped my wings, my right wing almost collapsing internally from the pain, and took off into the air. I fought as hard as possible against the pain and the pouring rain, which actually alleviated some of the superficial agony in my aching body. Still, it was like flying through Hell.

I flew for as long as I could, punctuating every flap with a single scream, my voice shaky from pain and grief.

"Jewel!"

My search was in vain, and all I earned were quite a few unfriendly stares from neighboring nests. The pouring rain seemed to be conspiring against me, begging for me to call off my search. A sane bird would have given up long ago. I knew the only reasonable thing to do was wait for the rain to cease, for my wounds to heal, for my body to recuperate…but grief had long ago twisted all the sanity from my mind. I was left with a raw animal mind, whose only goal was to get back the bird he loved.

But no matter how much you want something, life doesn't always work out the way you want it to. My navigational sense was affected by the foul venom, as were my other six senses. All my strength seemed to be fleeing from me, sapped by some unknown force, leaving my body in the form of scarlet tears from my various wounds.

It was all too much. The grief, guilt, and a general sense of hopelessness weighed me down, gravity pulling strongly on the water in my wings. My right wing was almost stiff by now, barely mobile. And then, thunder struck the earth, like the pain struck my body and my heart every now and again, and I saw a tower. The very same viewing tower where Jewel and I had spent our first night together…it drew me closer to it.

I felt a tug, leading me closer and closer to the muddy ground down below. It was useless, I would never find Jewel like this, and I needed rest, but my heart wouldn't give up on her so easily. I landed quite unceremoniously, yet not too bad considering my condition.

I felt my beak fill with humid earth and rain, which I promptly spat out as I tried once again to lift myself from the ground. This time it was useless, my wings were heavier than ever, coated in mud, and my wounds burnt like Hell hath not, as the infectious outside factors seeped into my open lesions. I would soon become infected, and from then, my time on this earth would be limited to a few more grieving days.

In my desperation, I let out a whisper, calling out uselessly to the world to return to me the thing I treasured most in this sad world; the only thing I truly cared about now. My children were gone, but there was still hope. There was one life that I hoped survived, and it was not mine.

"Jewel….."

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><p><em><strong>End Note: <strong>This will be the last of Blu's POV...for now...Get ready to switch back to poor Jewel in the next chapter!_


	12. A Choice

**_Author's Note: _**_Hi! Two words for you guys: Please. Review! I appreciate all 5 people who reviewed this, but I'd love to hear everybody's thoughts! Anyways, here we are back with Jewel. Not much dialogue so far in the story, but that'll all change in the next chapter...13 is NEVER a good number...well, sometimes, but the next chapter is not the case! ;P!_

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><p><em><strong>CHAPTER 12<strong>_

And there he was. Blu, the pathetic pile of bones and feathers that he was, landed hard on the muddy ground some seven meters below me. I was torn.

The deafening barrage of stormy winds and harsh rain reflected the chaotic state of my mind. He desperately needed my help, but how could I face him now? I had brought this upon us, this horrible fate, and yet there he was, looking for me. How could I just sit there and him watch him die an agonizing death? He believed in me, in my life and my innocence. It felt horrid, and I couldn't stand it.

But then again, maybe it was for the best. Maybe it was better to simply let him pass on peacefully. If I joined him now, he was sure to realize what I'd done. I knew Blu. I might have been with him for only a short period of time, but I knew Blu, better than he knew himself, in fact. He was kind, compassionate, and held me in the highest regards, and I had utterly let him down. I had ruined his life, and I knew that if he realized that, he would hurt. My betrayal would hurt him more than any physical pain he could experience. It would kill his spirit, his soul. I would rather kill him myself…

The scorching question that remained was this: Was I willing, after being solely responsible for ruining his life, killing his children, and leaving him to battle with a predator, to shatter his heart with my final confession and save his life, however derelict it may be?

"Jewel…"

Apparently I was.

His voice drew chills from my dark interiors. It was weak, strained. It was as if his life was being drained from him with every second he lay there in the sludge. On the ground, in that flurry of a storm, he wouldn't last long. If he didn't die of his wounds or hypothermia, he'd make a decent meal for some fortunate ground-dwelling predator. I was required to help him. I couldn't let him die before me, even though it was I who was killing him.

My wings almost failed me as I lifted myself from my perch. The weather didn't help, and seemed to be plotting my downfall along with gravity. Fortunately, I managed to crash a bit farther from Blu than I'd expected, sparing the both of us from even more pain. However, my rough landing threw yet another wave of muck onto my mate's already fragile body. I didn't bother to dust myself off, or wipe the stinging earth from my numerous lacerations. Acting on impulse, I rushed to Blu's side and cradled his head in my wings.

"Blu…"

There was no time to waste, but as I looked at my love's weak shape, I sobbed. I tried to fight it, but the tears kept coming. I had done this to him, I had stabbed him in the back, and left him to suffer the consequences of my actions. He was a disaster, covered in muck and filth, nasty scars and bruises covering most of his body, and his beak had a small fracture on one of the edges. I shuddered, knowing the pain I felt was incomparable to his. I also knew that if I didn't treat his wounds, they'd become infected, and he'd die in a matter of hours.

It was an instinct, the motherly instinct I'd always had but chosen to ignore, that acted upon me that moment. I grabbed the loose skin on the back of his neck in my beak and dragged him under the pitiful protection of the wooden structure. At least the earth wasn't sopping wet. And we were shielded from the worst of the storm and the cold.

Carefully using my wings, I wiped some of the filth off his face, and forced open one of his eyelids. The only response I obtained was a weak exasperated groan.

"Hold on Blu…"

The white of his eye was yellowish and patterned with purplish veins. Something told me that wasn't a good sign. His pupil contracted, which was something of a relief at least, and responded weakly, trembling a bit. He was still alive, for now, and there was still hope, however small it might have been.

Utilizing the texture of my feathers, I brushed my wings all over him in a rather useless attempt to clean the muck from his body, and most importantly his wounds. I was surprised to find that most of the filth caked between his feathers was his own dried blood. Without any humans to treat him, I was left by myself to cure him with my limited knowledge of medicine.

I rushed back out into the rain, searching for a concave leaf. After a few seconds, I found what I was looking for, and promptly began to fill it with the pouring rain. Right before the pool of water it held overflowed, I returned to Blu's side and splashed the cold water on him rapidly.

Blu coughed up raspy gasp, snapping back into a hazy consciousness. I drew back, wary of his reaction. Quite frankly, I still didn't know how long it would take for him to realize where hew was, or who he was…

"Jewel…?"

"Blu, I'm…I'm so sorry…" I moaned, my sobbing reaching uncontrollable levels, tears choking my speech.

Blu simply looked at me, deeply confused and still unaware of what was happening. It didn't take him long to figure it out.

"Jewel, what…?"


	13. A Confession, A Goodbye

_**Author's Note: **Alright, here it is. For those who wanted dialogue, here's dialogue. And recently I caught a bad case of the writer's block, so chapters 14 and 15 will be slightly delayed, probably for some 24-48 hours...I'll do my best to update sooner._

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><p><em><strong>CHAPTER<strong>_** 13**

"I don't…I don't understand…"

I couldn't look up at him, hiding my shameful face behind my ruined wings. My sobs prevented me from responding, and the pouring rain pounding against the floor made it hard to hear. Blu practically had to shout to make himself heard, but he probably would have done so even without the noise. Given the situation we were in, he had every right to.

"How…how are you…? Jewel, I thought…"

"Blu, I'm…I wasn't…I wasn't thinking and I…I'm so sorry…"

That was all I could manage before returning to my heart-broken sobs. Blu still looked confused, he wasn't angry yet. He was somehow trying to figure out what was going on. The suspense was mortifying, and part of me wished he'd snap and beat me to death. At least it would be better than living through this.

"Jewel I…I came back and…you weren't there…the snake…the eggs…I thought…"

"I didn't…I didn't want to…it just happened…"

"What '_just_ _happened'_ Jewel?"

His temper was growing and he seemed to be figuring out what had occurred. He would know I left our children undefended. I knew I shouldn't, but I tried to plead. I wanted to make him understand, but why? I still don't know why I wanted him to understand my horrible mistake. If only I'd died.

"Blu…"

"No Jewel, what happened?"

His voice grew firm, but his interrogation was graphically punctuated by a coughing fit. I saw a spray of blood leave his beak and stain the ground scarlet. I ran over to his side, but was met by a ruffled wing, blocking my path. He pushed me away, not roughly, but he wouldn't let me help him. He'd die, all because of his arrogance…or his disgust towards what I'd done.

"No…"

"Blu, you need help!"

"Not…you…"

His words dug deeper into my heart than any others, and I felt the full weight of his hatred. I backed away, trembling, but not from the cold or from pain. I could feel all the reasons left to live leave me, as my heart was crushed by the one I love.

"Not until you tell me… what you did…" he said, struggling to remain upright. Despite his weakened physical state, his eyes were filled with bitter rage and disappointment, the product of pain and betrayal.

"Blu, please…don't make me…please don't…"

"Tell me what happened, Jewel."

"Please Blu, I can't…"

"Tell me what happened Jewel!"

I was collapsing. I couldn't admit it, but no matter how hard I repressed them, the images kept surfacing in my mind.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"

"What did you do Jewel!" Blu shouted, his patience worn out. He knew what I'd done, he had already guessed it, but he wanted me to feel his pain. As if I wasn't hurting enough, he wanted me to confess my crimes like a petty criminal, to hear me say it. I cowered, sobbing behind my wings for what felt like hours, his stare burning through my shielding wings. I feared that if I looked up, his eyes would kill me.

When I finally managed to compose myself, I looked him dead in the eye, and found him staring into my soul. But his eyes weren't angry or threatening. They were miserable, pained and disappointed. I had to face the truth, now or never.

"I…I left them…"

I knew he already suspected me of this, but my declaration of guilt cleared everything up beyond any doubts. I had betrayed him, I had ignored my duties and responsibilities as a mother and mate, and I had selfishly put my own interests before the safety of my family. Blu looked down at me, hurt and wounded, and just shook his head.

"How…how could you do this…?"

"Blu, I…"

"I asked you…I begged you to stay with them, to care for them…and now they're dead!"

I burst into sobs once again at the mention of my deceased children. I had only heard it in my head, and somewhere in my subconscious I kept telling myself that it wasn't true, that it hadn't happened, that I'd imagined the entire thing. That I would wake up to Blu's pristine, smiling face, feeling the soft white eggs beneath me while shrouded in the warmth of my cozy home.

But upon hearing it from Blu, all hope was gone. It was as if I was learning of it for the first time. It took Blu's harsh honesty to make me feel truly hopeless, and now I felt worse than dead. Sadly, the only way to fix that was actually being dead. Blu continued shaking his head, now pacing back and forth, his eyes scanning the ground, a letting out a cruel cough every once in a while.

His health was deteriorating, and the situation I'd put him in certainly wouldn't help. He needed to be treated, and he wouldn't let me provide that for him. But I had to do something, I'd already done enough damage. Now the least I could do was try to fix something.

"Blu…you need help…you need to go see Túlio…"

"No, I need my children back!" he yelled furiously, his shouts energized despite his feeble condition.

"I know Blu, I want them back too…"

I didn't know how else to respond. I mean, what could I say? Did he think I didn't want them back, didn't want life to go back to how it was earlier today? Blu just continued his delusional rant, and I couldn't stop him, I didn't want it, but I sure as hell deserved it.

"No…no! You…you stay away from me Jewel…" he said, his temper switching from a rabid wrath into cold, heartless anger. He turned to leave, ignoring his wounds and the cold unforgiving rain.

"Blu, wait…"

"No Jewel. Don't follow me, don't come looking for me…If I see you again…I'll kill you…"

And with those last words, he crushed my soul, my heart, my everything, and left me. Forever.


	14. Reflections

_**Author's Note: **Ok, this is your final warning, or actually, your penultimate warning. You might have guessed what's coming up in the next chapter, so go ahead and read this chapter and stop reading here for the happy ending. Otherwise, once you're through with this, go on to the next chapter once it's available. However, I feel compelled to warn you, it's not gonna be pretty! Don't say I didn't warn you! By the way, this chapter is one of the longest, if not the longest, I've written for TPTP, since it's really a "double issue", with two POVs, separated by the asterisks with the character's initial in the middle. Enjoy!_

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><p>******************B******************<p>

All the pain that my wounds caused me were mere pinpricks in comparison to the pain I felt in my mind and heart.. My head throbbed in painful spasms every few seconds, making me fly haphazardly through the jungle, until the familiar webbing of the reserve came into view. My subconscious had led me towards the healing center, towards help, and there was no other explanation. I couldn't have figured out the way home if wanted to. The only reason I was flying now was to get away from Jewel before I did something I regretted.

I flew over the tightly-knit mesh fence and headed towards the dimly lit building near the entrance on the far south side. At that hour I might have caught Túlio leaving to go home to Linda. Hopefully Linda wouldn't be there, I couldn't bring myself to tell her what had happened. If she saw me like this…

As the building came into view, I heard the distinct Portuguese chatter of farewells between someone inside the building and someone starting a yellow Jeep. I headed towards the skinny figuring inside the Jeep, knowing it was bound to be Túlio. Even if it wasn't, they'd take me to Túlio for sure.

My plan might have worked if I wasn't so dizzy and hurting. Crashing into the car's windshield certainly didn't help my already deteriorating condition.

"What the…! Blu!" Cried Túlio, startled by my sudden appearance.

He didn't waste time with small talk as I let out a pained squawk, to which he immediately turned off the boiling engine below me.  
>He got out of the car, slamming the door and startling several other humans in lab coats - who were probably working the night shift - and began barking orders at them. Túlio gently lifted me up from the hot metal scalding my belly and carried me inside, all the while yapping away at the others, who were now rushing everywhere like frenzied ants.<p>

My vision seemed to flicker as the hallway lights rushed past me. I noticed how sometimes I would fade into the depths of my subconscious, only to resurface again and find a different situation before me. Sometimes I'd see several preoccupied faces hovering above me, sometimes I'd see nothing but bright lights. Until finally, everything simply paled away into darkness as I was placed on a cold metal examining table.

I dreamt something blurry and colorful, but I distinctly remember it being wonderful. All the pain simply vanished, relieving me tremendously. All knowledge of Jewel, the eggs, and my past disasters disappeared with it. It was a wonderfully ignorant bliss, and I was glad it lasted the entire night. Still, it wasn't nearly enough to relieve the pain I still felt in my heart, but I had to wake sometime, and so I did, the following morning.

The sheer brightness of the combination of both natural and artificial light was what affected me the most. I had to blink for a full five minutes before recuperating my sight once again. Once I did, I found myself in a place I've seen far too many times for my taste. I was back in the artificial habitat where I'd first met Jewel.

Plastic foliage dominated the enclosure, and the dry twigs of the nest I'd built with Jewel during her convalescence dug into my back…and my heart. I twisted and lifted myself up, routinely probing to check for anything that hurt or had malfunctioned. The first thing that caught my attention was a distinctly overpowering aroma emanating from several dark sticky patches all over my body. I quickly dismissed it as Iodine, but I suspected it might attract unwanted attention back in the jungle.

As my memory of recent events slowly returned along with a cold ball of lead in my chest, everything seemed to become clearer and more painful. Feelings and emotions that had been blurred by the pain and confusion I'd felt since the hollow returned with a higher intensity. I'd have plenty of time to think about them later, trying to brush everything away and organize my priorities. Somehow, the depressing feelings of guilt and regret seemed to cling onto my mind and heart, and simply would not let go.

I also remembered how the snake had bitten down on my wing, and hoped I hadn't lost it. I couldn't feel it, and I tried as hard as possible to send a message to my muscles to lift it in front of me. I felt no response. I remembered falling asleep on my side out of sheer laziness, and when I'd wake, my wing would be asleep, numb and useless. It felt exactly the same, but much deeper. There wasn't that distinct tingling, painfully electrifying sensation that came with a dormant limb.

It took all my courage to look at where my wing should have been, and frankly, I was relieved to find a thick white bandage tainted blood red and infectious green covering my wing and sticking it to my side. That wouldn't allow for an easy escape, so I quickly tore it off my body using the sharp tip of my beak, which for some reason hurt incredibly. I feared it might have been fractured in the fight, but that would have to wait until I managed to find a mirror and give myself a decent overview.

Gingerly, I extended the wing before me, and tried to see what damage had been done. I didn't dare take off the bandage, but I could still tell it was inflamed, yet I still couldn't feel it. I knew it might make flying difficult, but I couldn't stay here. I wanted to go back to my hollow. Part of me maybe hoped that I might find Jewel there. I flapped towards the entrance and exit to the habitat and banged my good wing as hard as possible against the metal flap.

It didn't take long for my irritating noisemaking to catch someone's attention. Unfortunately, it was Túlio, who had apparently chose to watch over me the entire night, made obvious by the dark rings beneath his eyes. I sorely wished it had been one of Túlio's assistants, since I hated doing that to someone who had cared for me so well, but I couldn't avoid it. I had to get out.

As soon as the door slid open, I darted past a rightfully startled Túlio, who reached out and tried to grab me before I could escape. It was a reflex I knew he wouldn't be able to resist, and I couldn't risk falling into his firm grasp, and so I bit and scratched at the outstretched hands, which quickly retreated in pure shock at being attacked. I felt horrible, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to face him again. Maybe it's for the best. From there, it was a simple glide out the open luck couldn't be better, as a horde of angry lab-coated humans chased after me clumsily, and yet another group of ornithologists entered for the routine shift-change. I avoided dozens of hands, biting down whenever one would get too close, and finally felt the freedom of nature.

I was out, and now I was free to return to my solemn life of shallow solitude. I had a lot to think about, especially regarding Jewel. My children were dead, and I couldn't change that, but Jewel was my only hope. I had spat in her face and threatened her life when she'd tried to help me last night. I felt awful, but how could I possibly forgive her for what she'd done? I tried to reason with myself, but to no avail. There was no way I could welcome her back into my life with open wings. The only thing that was left was talking with her, but I couldn't possibly find her now. She'd either be waiting at my hollow, or far, far away. The reasonable thing to do was wait for her at the hollow. It was the obvious choice, and I truly lacked the will to look for her now. I sincerely hoped she disregarded my warning last night…

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><p>******************J******************<p>

The night wore on, and the rain finally came to a halt. The hollow clouds left a gaping hole in the night sky for the stars to judge me with their ice cold stare. And still the ground beneath my talons lacked no moisture, with a plentiful cascade of salty tears. My sporadic sobbing fits were alerting every predator within hearing range, but I didn't care. My life meant absolutely nothing now, and being swallowed would only work to ease my pain.

Reality had always been hovering above my head since this morning's events, but it hadn't really hit me until I confessed my erred ways to Blu. And Blu, poor Blu, I'd killed him, and he in return, had killed me. My mistake, my selfishness had cost him his children, his life, and his health. He'd probably collapse soon enough, and his life would end. My life had ended long ago it seemed. Yet Blu's harsh honesty, his brutal words to me dug deep into my soul and destroyed it.

Physically, I was no example of health, but it was tolerable. Several superficial scratches and lacerations, bruises and riled feathers were the majority of my suffering. The concussion in the back of my skull throbbed, but it was tolerable for now. What hurt the most was my heart, my spirit.

My once vibrant, beautiful spirit that had accompanied me all my life, throughout all my experiences, was now a shattered pile of bland fragments. I had nothing left on which to depend, nothing on which to lean on, and I was in my most desperate moment. When I'd had all of that, I had wasted it, believing I didn't really need it. Well, you don't know what you have until it's gone.

And now everything was gone. My eggs, my Blu, my life, my reasons to live. I don't know how long I spent on the jungle floor, sulking, before my survival instinct kicked in. I was on autopilot, my mind driving my body towards the most basic necessities; Food, water, and now safe shelter for the rest of the night, however short it might have been.

I forced myself to climb up the towering structure above me, and finally managed it in just one try. It was probably easier than last time due to the drying of the previously slippery wood. My talons dug into the wood with rage, leaving deep scars on the surface. Meanwhile, my beak bit down and guided me through the intricate maze formed by the support beams. If I had been chained to Blu, I would have only taken a fraction of the time it took me by myself. While perhaps not the strongest bird, or the best flyer, he was quite the acrobat. And he was flexible. I still remember that night, I'd never done that before, or even thought it was possible.

Finally, after a tiring effort, I reached the top beam where I'd spent my first night when we were still chained together. The rising moon in the lonely night sky brought too many memories, and they invaded my mind like a plague, killing me softly. I glanced towards the corner where I'd pretended to sleep that night. I'd already done enough for myself. I sauntered over to the spot where Blu had slept, and settled down there, watching my tears drop to the humid ground below.

Everything was ruined, and it was all my fault. I longed for Blu's protective warmth to cover me as I tried to sleep that night. I needed him, because without him, I was me again.

I still remember, nothing ever touched me so deep, up until now that is, as the three words he said the night we'd spent here. The first time someone had truly opened my eyes. When I ranted about the joyous freedom of flying, not being able to believe that any bird could go their entire lives without it. And then, the simple truth from his beak: "Sounds kinda lonely."

And now it really was. It was then when I'd realized I'd had everything I ever needed up until then. Everything…but someone to share it with. He had miraculously appeared in my life and showed me the true joys of life. He'd been someone I could trust, someone to protect me, someone who loved me and I let him down. I had to get rid of this feeling.

The day's events finally caught up with me, and I succumbed to the drowsiness that overtook me. Unfortunately, the relief it brought was only physical, since my mind acted like a cruel reminder of today. The images kept replaying in my mind, constantly troubling me. Psychologically, I was unstable at best, but in reality, I was lost. I had no hope, and soon enough, with some help from an old friend, it would all be over.

When I awoke the following morning, I allowed my pain to permeate for a while before setting out towards the darkest place in Rio.


	15. Actions and Reactions

_**Author's Note:**__I...I'm sorry...I warned you...please, don't be too quick to judge, and remember this is an alternate reality, a "What-if?" story, so...go ahead and read this chapter, but I warn you, you won't like it, and you'll probably hate me for it, so please, don't use harsh language when reviewing, although I appreciate your opinion. If you think you might not like what's in this chapter, feel free to skip to the next one, you'll be able to fill in the gap pretty easily with your imagination...I seriously recommend you do that...otherwise, read at your own risk...But don't say I didn't warn you! I wrote it, you didn't have to read it! Alright, guess I can't stall you anymore..._

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><p><strong><em><span>CHAPTER 15<span>_**

The cruel midday sun scalded my back as I flew towards the sleep-deprived slums of Rio. It was common knowledge that if you were looking for anything illegal or socially unacceptable, the slums were the only place to get it; Home to some of the strongest and most feared birds in the country, as well as some of the least reputable birds in the world. The slums were a dangerous place if you weren't known, and I wasn't known. Still, I didn't care, mainly because it was the only place to get something strong enough to erase my pain, and secondly, because if I died…well, it would be a relief really.

No matter how high the sun rose or how brightly it shone, the slums always seemed cloaked in shadows, and the creatures that resided beneath their protection. The last time I'd been to the slums had been two years ago, and nothing had gone wrong. Well, not nothing, but at least I had gotten out alive.

I dropped down low with the now-evening sun, having spent most of the morning catching up with desperately needed nightmare-inflicted sleep. And now, with my belly food after a solemn foraging session, I searched for my target, the small wooden ruins where I'd had my first experience with the dreaded outskirts of the contrasting city. That jeering circle of friends and the malicious wing returned to my mind, but I shook it off. I was innocent in my youth, and now in my adulthood, I was guilty of the most heinous crimes. I needed something to wash them away.

After several minutes of floating on the occasional updraft, I found the old shack, hidden in the shadows of tin-roofed structures, and dived recklessly. I almost crashed into the bar, startling some of the clientele hanging around the entrance. The shady characters soon merged into the shadows and disappeared. I supposed my cruel appearance and rash flying scared them off. I didn't really care for my looks, or for others, I just wanted to get this over with.

I crossed over the threshold and into the dimly-lit atmosphere in the dusty bar. Alcione crooned soft Portuguese lyrics over a small headphone set, and various sets of eyes found themselves analyzing my wretched form. Unfortunately I still looked good enough to earn a few wolf whistles from some of the less comprehensible bar patrons. I didn't bother to even shoot them a hostile glare, for what did I care. I just slumped down on the makeshift bar stool and let out a whistle to alert the bartender of my thirst.

The aging seagull turned towards me, and gave me a look of surprise. Teddy had only seen me a few times, and every time I'd tried not to drink…too much. Still, it wasn't common, and he knew my parents, from back in his sailing days. He was kind for a scruffy old bird tending the lonely bar in the slums, but I appreciated his personality, although not his looks. A nasty scar ran down his light blind eye into a faded orange beak, giving him sometimes a threatening appearance. His once pearly-white feathers were a dusty grey, and quite unkempt, but based on his lifestyle, I couldn't say I was surprised. The metrosexual birds that inhabited Rio tended to stay along the beaches of Ipanema and Copacabana. The slums were reserved to birds like Teddy… and now me.

"Wasn't expecting to see you around here…heard you settled down. Military?"

I looked down and sighed.

"No…"

"Maybe I shouldn't ask…Um Mate Leão?"

"Not this time…I need to forget…I need something strong"

Teddy hesitated, a concerned look on his face. He left a rather disappointed customer with his partially prepared drink and sauntered over towards me in his hobbling gait.

"Jewel…last time you drank…"

"I know…it's not like that…"

He was one of the few birds that I got along with in all of Rio, being an old family friend. I knew him, and I knew his talent at getting information out of other birds. Still, I was lucky to have been brought up surrounded by inquisitive birds, so I knew how to fend them off…somewhat.

"Come on J…it's not like you to be hangin' around here…what happened?" His gruff voice dug deep, trying to pry the answers from my mouth.

"Just…please, I don't want to talk about it…"

"I'm just looking out for ya girl. Your father…"

"Please Teddy, just drop it!"

I couldn't bear the mention of my father…Especially knowing that Blu…and just like my mother…

"Hey, you can tell me, I've heard just about everything in my time here…"

Teddy just wouldn't give up, and he ignored the tears forming in my eyes…then again, he was half-blind, so I really doubted that he would have seen it, even when it dropped onto the dusty bar.

"Is it about your mate? What'd he do? Tell me where he is and I'll send some bird to take care of…"

"Just give me the damn drink, Teddy!"

I was a bit harsh, I'll admit it, but I wasn't in the mood, and I already knew the consequences. Otherwise I wouldn't have bothered to show up. Besides, in a place like this, you couldn't say please without earning a beating.

Teddy just sighed, defeated, and shrugged.

"Alright, one Long Island Iced Tea comin' up…"

I'd usually only had a few simple drinks before, never anything too strong. The last time I'd had anything strong was two years ago, when I had a Pink Musketeer. It had ended badly, and it took me a week to recuperate. Alcohol hit me hard, but that was exactly what I wanted.

After a ceremonial ritual of preparation, Teddy placed the drink in front of me with pursed lips, and I could see worry in his eyes. I shook my head, wanting to say "sorry," but I just grabbed the glass and gulped it down. As the alcohol worked its magic on me, teddy lowered his gaze and stepped away, every now and again checking to see if I'd keeled over yet.

The Long Island Iced Tea was a hell of a drink, and I was surprised I didn't black out, since immediately, my perception of depth and distance was traumatized. After swallowing the last bitter gulp and sending it scorching down my throat, I tried to get up and exit the bar. I don't know why I tried to leave, it would have been safer under Teddy's protective but stern observation. Still, I hobbled out of the bar into the dark twilight to my impending doom. I'd brought it upon myself, and the last friendly words I heard were Teddy's calling me back.

I couldn't orient myself in the darkness, especially with the world revolving around me. I simply strolled haphazardly through the shadowy corners of the slums. I tried flapping to see if I could fly, but it was of no use, my wings wouldn't respond. I was stuck on land, dangerous territory, and so I suffered the consequences.

It was obvious it wouldn't take long for someone to notice me, and where I had so conveniently placed myself, it wouldn't be anyone with honest intentions. There was a reason that only certain types of birds lived here, they were outcasts, shunned by society, accepted by none for their appearance or…their souls.

Unfortunately, drinking also tuned down my sense, and I didn't notice the trio of males until It was too late. I recognized the species immediately. A dirty disheveled and frighteningly large Illiger's macaw swaggered up in front of me, stopping me dead in my tracks. At either wing he was accompanied by two smaller, but just as threatening , Red-Bellied Macaws. They surrounded me on quickly, but I was unable to respond. I was intoxicated, sure, but I could tell so had they, by the way they carried themselves and the way their breath stank of Cachaça. And there was another odor in the air, something grassy, and later it dawned on me, they were smoking.

The large Illiger's macaw put his beak uncomfortably close to mine and exhaled a fresh cloud of smoke. It confirmed my thoughts, they were smoking something, but it wasn't very strong stuff. Probably homemade cheap joints.

"Well…what's a tail like you doin' around here this time of night?"

"Ge…Get out o' my face you…you filthy Cachaçeiro..."

"Well, look who's talking!"

He grew aggressive at my rude remark, and shoved me back. I responded in kind, my aggressiveness highlighted thanks to the alcohol in my brain. I tend to make rather rash decisions when intoxicated. Flapping wildly and slashing at my assailant with my talons was one of them. As one of my claws met their mark, he let out a screech, and the other two macaws threw themselves on me, quickly pinning me down. Although I was more aggressive than usual, I wasn't the best fighter under the influence of alcohol.

"Gah…hold that vagabunda down…she'll pay for that…"

I fought as hard as I could against them, but they just laughed at my futile attempts at getting away. The larger macaw stepped over me as the two flipped me onto my back. I was received by a slap to my beak, leaving me stunned. I flailed my talons around, trying to cut his belly open and get away from the foul bird, but he clenched my feet with his own, digging his talons into my ankle, making it impossible for me to retaliate. He ran his beak across my neck and chest, while I tried to get him off of me.

The brute just moaned, the disgusting sadist he was.

"I'm gonna enjoy this…You're in for a long night…"

I struggled to fight him off, but it was no use, the other two's talons digging into my wings, pinning me down.

"get…off…me-ahh"

He shoved his pelvic area against mine, and I felt everything in me scream, not in pain, but in horror. My body froze, and I was unable to fight anymore as the panting bird stripped me of my honor. I wouldn't give him the pleasure of hearing my screams, and I couldn't look at him. I couldn't accept what was happening, and I did my best to look away, closing my eyes and biting my beak as he continued using me. I felt the air in my chest freeze and choke my heart. It was humiliating, disgusting, and a thousand other negatively descriptive words.

The moaning continued, as did the snickering, while he pushed his cloaca against mine. I shuddered, unable to control my body any longer. My heart and soul were being destroyed, but I couldn't stop the dopamine that swarmed in my brain, driving me to where I desperately wanted to avoid. I can't say it was fortunate, but there was no need for me to go there.

The Illiger let long sick moan…

I closed my eyes, and a small cry of pain left me as the male quivered, and grew still, sending into me his own fertile seed. I was panting, almost hyperventilating, and the male chuckled, continuing his act despite having finished. I wished I could have died right then and there, but I'd wished for this so many times already, I knew it wouldn't come true. I hated myself, I'd only ever been with Blu, and now I was impregnated by a strange bird. It killed me inside, and it left me no choice. I wanted desperately to wash this filth of off me, for the pounding rain to alleviate the pain, wash away the oozing fluid between my legs, but it didn't come. Instead, I just lay there in the mud, awaiting an atrocious night.

Finally the brute stood still, and let go of me, only to clutch my throat with razor-sharp talons.

"Meu Deus ... Eu não comi assim ... em anos ..."

He just looked at me, a cruel miscehivous stare in his eyes. I tried to look away from him, but he just snapped my head back in place, forcing my eyes to meet his. Through my tears, all I could see was cruelty.

"I'm through with you for now…" he said, and looked towards the other two with a smirk,

"But my friends are bored of just watching…"

The disgusting bird switched places, with the one on my right wing, much to the dismay of the one on my left. I tried to take advantage of the split second when my wing was free, but I was too weak, and the Illiger's just dug his claws into my muscle, sending even moer pain through my wing.

"My turn…"

The red-bellied macaw smirked, and spat on me. I titled my head once again, looking away from them all, focusing on the far-off stars, and silently cried.

And so I was painfully forced to submit, a desecrated offering to another bird's urges. I tried to black out, and wished I would, or that at least they'd get it over with, but by the time he was through with me, he switched places with the one pinning my right wing, and so it lasted for I don't know how long. Tears ran down my face and mixed into the sullied ground beneath me, lost in the shadows of Rio's slums.

Every once in a while they'd grow bored and throw the occasional rock at me as the other held me still, or inflict some other kind of pain. I couldn't bear to live with myself, and I just desperately wished that they'd have mercy and at least end my life. Instead, once I'd satisfied each of them several times over, they flapped away, chortling amongst themselves, and leaving me to drag my violated carcass through the slums. My voice was weak, but I tried calling out for help, to no avail. The storm clouds gathered above and they were ready to erupt in a bout of rain once again. I moaned and groaned, hoping someone would take pity on me and kill me now.

I don't know how, but then and there I felt even worse than before. The alcohol hadn't helped, it just made all my memories that much more painful. I'd only ever been with Blu, and now I'd been used and tossed aside like a dirty rag. I don't understand how the world could be so cruel, but it was, and I'd paid the price. I'd suffered, but not enough, and proven to myself that there were worse things than death. Now if only that sweet relief would come.

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><p><em>You can't say I didn't warn you, and I told you you wouldn't like it! Why didn't you just skip to chapter 16? Well, just to clear things up, no, I'm no perverted sadist if that's what you were thinking, so take the fact that I'm a WRITER into consideration when reviewing, please? Thank you...and go ahead and click on next chapter, you're in for a real treat! No more rated-M stuff, it's pretty light compared to this!<em>


	16. Guest Chapter

_**Author's Note: **Well, if you skipped chapter 15, good for you! If not, well, this might make up for it, and I'm surprised you decided to keep reading...Anyways, this chapter is kinda tied to Chapter 3, and was written by the well-known, versatile, greatly-praised Guardians of Ga'Hoole and Rio author,_ **Rapture at**** Sea****_!  
><em>**_I hope you enjoy, think of this as a "Guest Star" Chapter, and also, I would like to publicly thank Rapture for all his help with my story, and for volunteering his skills and OC for my own story! Well, enjoy! By the way, if you choose to review this chapter, keep in mind that it really was Rapture wo wrote it, so don't really think it would be appropriate...try PMing him instead, huh?_

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><p>CHAPTER 16<p>

Margaret, a Blu and Gold Macaw and a solitary native of Rio, struggled to leave the silenced stretches of Rio behind for the sheltered coziness of her jungle hollow. As if the roiling masses of griseous clouds above – which she could systemically feel their waterlogged weight crushing her – the crosscurrents and rogue blades of wind made flying practically impossible.

_Gah, this is what I get for slouching on my tail feathers and gossiping in the Palm too long! I don't think I'll ever make it to the jungle while up in the air. I'll have to land somewhere and walk my lazy butt home. At least the shacks will provide some shelter..._

Executing a difficult descent, I fought the wind until gliding into the space between two broken-down homes, just one of thousands in this particular slum. The violent eddies above me were wholly blocked by the shacks, but the wind had other ways of claiming extraneous victims.

_I hope one of these aluminum piles doesn't come down on top of me! There will be one less sexy female macaw in Rio if that happens..._

Shaking away my self-centered thoughts, I trotted at a steady pace along the narrow corridors, their shadowed lengths unnerving me.

_Who knows what could be hiding in these dark tunnels? Rats, filth, maybe even snakes! My feathers are not meant for this kind of treatment. They are much too beautiful to be spoiled by this nasty environment! If only I had left the Palm before this storm rolled in..._

Not only was this labyrinth teeming with plumage-ruining enemies, the rain-laden clouds smothering the city could dump their load at any minute.

Spurred on by the horror of being caught in the heavenly tsunami, I increased my hobbling pace even more, turning left into an adjacent path. I skidded to a halt upon hearing tortured whimpers echoing from up ahead, audible even over the howl of the wind.

Fear now gripping my senses, I tiptoed around a half-wall jutting from the side of a shack. The sight that fell upon my eyes paralyzed me temporarily: an aquamarine bird, most likely female, lay curled up on her side with her back to me in the middle of the dusty path.

Around her lay small piles of stray feathers – besides her own, some were the colors of scarlet and sunshine – along with drops of blood and patches of water.

_Meu Deus_, I thought sharply,_ I have to help this female! Could she have been seqüestrado by a bunch of strangers, or maybe even estuprado? Oh dear, she is in very bad shape..._

Hesitantly, I inched closer to the bruised bird, who would painfully tear out a random feather every few seconds. As she jerked upon ripping out a chest plume, I placed my wing upon her side. Figuring she was a local – though I had never seen such a unique bird as her – I asked tentatively,

"O que aconteceu com você?"

Much to my surprise, she replied in fragmented English, free of any Portuguese accent:

"I... abandoned them... flew away... came here... three males... held me down... violated..."

Her words were choked with suffering and loss, and she proceeded to strip another feather out. Switching over to English - a language taught to me by my formerly American parents, I replied softly,

"Who's 'them?' And why did you abandon them? I want so badly to help you, but you need to tell me more about why you're like this."

The female rolled over onto her back, causing me to skitter away as her shockingly marred body turned to me. Her left eye was swollen shut and tinged a sickly shade of purple, her face marked with several scratches and cuts covered with dried blood. Thin, jagged wounds scarred her chest and stomach, caked with dirt and blood.

"My... e-eggs... I left them a-alone. When I went b-back... a snake... they're... a-all gone. And my... m-mate... he hates... m-me. I flew h-here... to get a-away... and then... they showed u-up. They... attacked me... physically... s-sexually. I've lost... e-everything. I'm... tired of living..."

The grim truth burned my eardrums, and as repulsed as I was by her appearance, I simply had to get this stricken female somewhere safe, and perhaps keep her alive. I ruefully hopped back over to her and asked quietly,

"What's your name?"

"J-Jewel..." was her strained response.

"Jewel, I need to take... you to my home. There's a storm coming, and since you're so beat-up, you won't survive ten minutes under the rain. Please, just let me help you."

I guided the female to her feet, and she did not resist one ounce. I steadied her staggering with my wings, cringing when she pulled out a neck feather. She turned her ruined face towards me, locking her hopeless, traumatized gaze with mine.

"I want... you-"

"Margaret," I interjected. She nodded weakly and placed her trembling wings upon my shoulders.

"Margaret... I want you... I want you to... k-kill me..."

The blatant seriousness of her statement knocked me back a few paces, my sudden retreat causing Jewel to fall face first into the dirt. My mind now thoroughly panicked, I countered,

"What? No no no, I can't do that to you! You need urgent help, Jewel! If you'll let me take you home, we can sort this out. I-"

"Fine. If you... won't kill me... can you... send a m-message... before I die?"

_She's not going to let me save her! She must be too far gone to care anymore. Cristo Redentor, please rest her soul..._

A brief flash of light from above, followed by a rolling growl of thunder, seemed to acknowledge my wish.

"Who do I... tell it to? What should... it say?"

Jewel forced herself to her feet and plucked out a stomach feather as a second rumble of thunder rocked my bones.

"Find... a clearing... to the north of here. Blu... should be in there. Tell him... I'm s-sorry... that I failed him. T-tell him... that by the time... he h-hears this... I'll be d-dead. I don't want him... to come... l-looking for me. It doesn't... matter anymore. Please do this... for m-me."

I was dumbfounded, my mind completely blown.

_This is the last thing I expected to find... in the middle of a thunderstorm. I couldn't have rescued her even if I tried._ _If it will help her die peacefully... I don't have a choice but to obey..._

"I'll do it, Jewel. I am so sorry that this happened to you. At least in death... all your pain will end. This is goodbye... Jewel..."

As another flicker of lightning illuminated the sky, I caught the glimmer of a tear on her shattered face. While I was still staring at her, the victim of untold cruelty and life-wrecking loss, fat globules of rain began pelting me on the head. I marched past the essentially-dead female, too stricken on the inside to even look back. My heart heavy as lead due to the death note I was supposed to convey,

I trudged on towards the jungle as the rain fell harder and harder. I guess it's not for me to know what happened between her and Blu, who must be her mate.

_Oh, if only I had left the Palm sooner, I might have been able to protect her from whoever abused her. She might still be alive... if only..._

My saddened soul dragged me down, lengthening my journey immensely and condemning me to battle the dread-filled message in my head. By the time I wound my way out of the slums and located the outskirts of the rain-forest, I was soaked, cold, and exhausted.

_I don't deserve to have my gorgeous looks destroyed like this! My feathers will take forever to dry! And how am I going to fly with all this water in my wings? I'm depressed and angry at the same time..._

I worked my way into the jungle like a zombie, unsure as to where the clearing was and how I would ever find it. I could almost certainly use landmarks to find my home, and I sincerely contemplated the idea of dropping my search in favor of my own comfort. I was by birth a vain-natured macaw, the main reason the relationship with my parents was shaky at best. My self-centered attitude was coming into play now, threatening to take over my actions and divert my attention from the task Jewel had given me.

Normally, I would have succumbed to my selfish wishes, but the mental note I carried was simply too important to ignore. I defeated those urges and pressed on, enormously grateful that the canopy screened out all but the smallest droplets of rain. I was entirely oblivious to the passage of time, and the stark flashes of lightning disoriented my ground-bound travels.

The water drained constantly from my feathers while I stumbled through the foliage, but my body temperature was unable to recover. Inklings of fear crept into my mind as I wondered if I would survive to relay Jewel's speech, let alone find my way home in the midst of this terrible evening.

The threat from snakes and eagles was blocked by the timeliness of the storm, but that did little to ease my mood. Whether it was by sheer chance or divine guidance, I tripped over a stick and ended up being battered by a curtain of rain. When I blinked away the liquid, a half-flooded clearing stretched out in front of me, dominated by a lone cannonball tree at its center.

_Meu Deus, I've found it!_

In the wake of my joyous thought, the sole reason for its significance pained me greatly.

_After all the trouble I went to get here, I now have to tell... uh, I forgot his name. I have to tell him that Jewel is... dead, gone forever. This world is such a cruel place..._

I skipped like a feathered frog across the clearing, dodging large pools of water and muddy pits. Gathering all the strength I could muster, I propelled my drenched body up to the hollow near the top of the tree.

Upon landing, I briskly shook myself, sending cascades of water all over the walls and floor. A weak shout of:

"Hey! What the..."

The source of the protest happened to be a navy blue bird in the far corner, who was missing patches of plumage and was covered in an array of cuts. Studying his feather color, I thought flatly, _So that must be how he got his name._

The bird I remembered as Blu turned to me, his eyes red and his face stained with moisture.

"Who are you? I think you have... the wrong hollow. Let me grieve in peace..."

I edged away from the entrance, stopping once I was within wing reach of the remarkably handsome male macaw.

"Are you deaf? I... don't want to see anyone right now, okay?"

I shrugged off his angered tone and affected a sorrowful expression.

"Your name is Blu, right?" He perked up somewhat and replied,

"How... did you know that?"

_Here we go..._ I mused sadly.

"I'm Margaret... and some time ago... I came across a female who called herself... Jewel."

His face twisted into an awful expression of despair as his eyes grew damp with tears.

"Where is she? What did she say?"

"I found her... in a slum. She was so beat up... she told me she got raped. Before that, she said something about... uh... flying away. And then she told me that 'they'... were all gone. I really can't remember all of it."

His expression softened noticeably as the tears began to dribble down his face.

"She must have been talking about... our eggs. She left them this morning... because I wouldn't let her fly. A snake came and... destroyed them. I tried to kill it, but I couldn't. It cut me up, but I... wounded it... and it left. I followed Jewel into the jungle... and yelled at her, chased her away..."

He sniffled pitifully and stared unflinchingly at the floor.

"It was my fault... all of it. You said she got... raped. What else... did she tell you?"

I let out a mournful sigh and replied,

"She told me that... by the time you heard her message, she would be dead. She told me she lost everything, and that she was tired of living. I'm so sorry, Blu. I tried to help her... but she wouldn't let me..."

I turned away in shame, only to feel the male squeeze me desperately with his wings.

"No no no, I can't let her die! You have to take me to her! Please. I love her... and I can't let her slip away..."

I slid his wings off of me and looked him dead in the face.

"I can't, Blu. She specifically told me... to prevent you from searching for her. There's no hope now. She's probably... already gone."

At this, Blu broke down and slumped to the floor, hiding his head in his wings.

"Oh Jewel, I never... meant to... hurt you. I... never meant to... kill you! Why was I so selfish? Why... why..."

His deadly cries tore at my soul and I clamored to distance myself from this depressing hollow, but I just couldn't bear to head back out into the storm again. As the tree creaked and swayed in the gusty wind, I softly said,

"Blu... there's nothing you could have done. She wanted to die..."

Still obscuring his face, he stood up and screamed,

"My Jewel... I think I killed her. I'm sorry, Margaret, but I have to go. If I don't come back, it's because... just don't follow me, okay?"

He stumbled towards the entrance and launched himself into flight, a bolt of lightning punctuating his departure.

_Poor Blu, there's just no easy way out for him. I don't think I'll ever... no, I can't think about this anymore..._

Utterly defeated, I crept over to his nest and threw myself down in it. My gut was telling me he was on a suicide run, and that wouldn't be coming back. In under two hours, my life had been turned completely upside down and inside out. I had essentially sentenced to Blu to death, and the guilt drowned my soul. If I had just chosen to give in to my nature, he would still be alive, no matter how bad his day had been. By honoring Jewel's wishes, I had robbed him of his will to live.

As images of the victims' faces swirled around in my mind, I couldn't help but release tears from my eyes.

_ Blu, Jewel, I wish we had never met. None of this would have ever occurred... if it wasn't for me. By doing a good deed, I wrongfully committed an act of indirect murder. I am in a living nightmare... one that I will never forget... until I breathe my last breath..._

With the relentless storm rocking the tree and jarring my senses with its roaring, I turned away from the entrance and shut my fluid-filled eyes. As the enormity of the past events buried me under a mountain of regret and hopelessness, I fell unconscious. My sleep provided no relief, a hellish land of torment that repeatedly acted out their final moments in my head, a scripted horror show with a beginning, and no end.


	17. One Last Chance

_**Author's Note: **Okay, enjoy this chapter! I chose to alternate between POVs to try to create a more interesting situation! Well, here goes!_

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><p><p>

******************B******************

Nothing is heavier than guilt. You could try carrying a 20-ton brick, and you'll probably give up soon enough. Guilt on the other hand, it weighs heavier than anything you could possibly support, and it's not as easy to get rid of as a physical object. It settles in your organs and bones, grips everything in its icy cold clutches, and never lets you go. Sometimes you can lose it. Sometimes you can't. I've never been able to shake that guilt, the guilt of being responsible for Jewel's death.

Countless fat droplets bombarded my back and weighed me down, yet another ballast against my desperate flight. I didn't care. My only concern was finding Jewel before she did anything impetuous. I knew my words, my actions, all of them, not just the last, had driven her to this. I'd made her emotions overwhelm her and push her over the edge, and it was my responsibility to catch her. If I didn't, she'd strike the rocky bottom down below, and her life would go to waste.

And yet, all the while, something nagged in the very depths of my mind. Was this really the right thing to do? I mean, was this me being selfish all over again, doing it for my sake? I couldn't live without her, I knew that, she knew that, but if she wanted to take her life, who was I to stop her? Then again, the reason she wanted to take her life was because of me. I'd threatened her, forced her away, when all she wanted was forgiveness, to start anew. She'd caused me more pain than I'd ever felt, but she was my life, and no matter what she did, I'd always love her. I've forgiven her in my heart…now all that's left is to forgive myself.

But she was hurt, maybe worse Margaret had said so, and she'd gone out of her way to tell me that, to bring me the news. I'd be eternally grateful to her, since she'd helped Jewel and at least tried to help me. I like to believe that Margaret gave Jewel at least some form of peace before…before whatever happened. For that I'll always be indebted.

Jewel may have been in peace, but I wasn't. Especially after what Margaret had said…she'd been…abused, by other birds, and it was my fault. We would have been home, enjoying the warmth of our company, mourning the loss of our children. But instead I'd pushed her far away, driven her to the slums and into the mercy of cruel birds who'd taken advantage of guilt in my chest wrapped itself around my heart and squeezed it, a sharp jab in my chest.I felt sick and probably would have hurled, had my stomach chosen to respond. I couldn't believe that this was happening, the bird I loved, I'd sentenced her to an unbearable torture, and now death. I had to find her.

The dim glow of city lights began to grow in the distance, and I flapped harder to reach the slums. My wings wanted to cry out in pain, but it would impair my ability to cry out for Jewel. It was the only other way to find her, other than my own, rather impaired eyesight. I dived for the nearest alleyway where I might be shielded at least a bit from the pouring rain.

"Jewel!"

My shouts caught the attention of a couple of rain-soaked pigeons taking cover beneath a cardboard lean-to, but no bright blue macaws appeared before me. I was desperate to find her, it was bad enough she was hurt and violated, but if she took her own life…I'd never forgive myself.

******************J******************

If Margaret would do me that favor, at least I could die in peace, knowing Blu might be relieved to know that at least I wouldn't suffer any longer. I was bloody and beaten, plucked and stripped of all my dignity by my own actions and their consequences. I was a sorry mess, inside and out, and Blu deserved better. That bird, Margaret, she was beautiful. I just hoped that Blu might find someone like her one day and forget me, leave me in the past like this harsh world was about to do. Soon I'd be nothing more than a faded memory in life's recollections.

I was hurting badly, but nothing could stop me from inching forward to my fate. I could already smell it, when rain drove humans beneath their covers and off the streets, I was free to walk towards the busier sections of the city. Nobody could see me, too preoccupied with getting to their homes. I wished I could say the same, but knowing Blu, he'd have cooled down by now. He'd miss me, would want me to go back. But he had to understand, I could never go back, not while I still knew what I'd done.

It was almost over, and I hoped that Margaret could keep Blu away from me long enough for me to accomplish my charge.

******************B******************

Thunder made my shouts useless, inaudible under the rolling noise emanating from the heavens. It was hard to believe that my own life matched so neatly with weather patterns. When I'd met Jewel, everything was sunny and clear, bright and full of life. Now that I'd lost everything, or at least I was on the verge of losing absolutely everything, the skies mourned prematurely, accompanying my mood.

It seemed in vain, my search provided no results, and yet I kept trudging through the slums. I had no way of knowing that Jewel might have been there, but it was the only place that seemed practical. It was hopeless, but I kept going, every step tearing a piece of my soul, crushing my heart even more, the guilt weighing me down. I knew it was too late, that if I even found her by now, she'd have already done the unthinkable.I smelled the sickening smell of wet asphalt and heard the screeching of tires on the slippery road, and began to make my way towards it. I have no idea why, but I felt drawn towards it.

******************J******************

I reached the edge of the highway, led faithfully by the noxious fumes belched forth by the metal monsters humans rode around in. Hideous things, but they'd do the job. I sighed. This was my final farewell, and there was no one around to hear it.

A passing truck created a nasty gust of wind and hit a conveniently placed pothole, covering me in filth and further ruffling my feathers. They were already a beautiful disaster, and I didn't really care. Soon enough they'd be scattered across the asphalt. I tilted my head and plucked another feather.

This was it, I would have no more pain, no more suffering. I couldn't wipe myself clean in any other way. Just one quick hop and everything would end. All the pain, all the humiliation, all the cruel feeling of my life, it would vanish, blown away like a candle in the wind.

I looked up at the shining moon, hanging by a thread in the lonely night sky, and I realized…I was like the moon. Lonely, surrounded by a frozen crowd of blinking stars against the black backdrop of life. She was destined to float above us forever, a mere spectator to the cruel ways below her, and never able to catch up to her true love, the thing that made her shine: The sun was Blu, and I'd betrayed him, and now this was my fate. I'd be forever gone from him, chasing him in my eternal sleep, as I prepared to enter that good night. I watched carefully, the timing would have to be spot-on if I wanted this to be quick and painless. Otherwise I was just lining myself up for even more suffering. I saw another pair of headlights, and flexed my muscles, readying myself for my final flight.

Goodbye Blu…

******************B******************

Time was running out. I raced through the abandoned streets, dodging the occasional pedestrian or obstacle. Finally, the speeding lights of passing cars came into view, and I skidded to a halt inches away from the thick white line separating life from death.

"Jewel!"

There was no hope, since my shouts were once again drowned out, this time by the roar of engines and splashing tires. I looked left and right, but the yellow patches cast by the streetlights provided no relief, showing only the grey asphalt and the random carioaca running for shelter, crossing the dangerous road.

"Jewel!"

I was on the verge of giving up, but there was something that held me back. A rather large truck sped past me, brushing me aside, swept by the sheer wind caused in its wake. I hoped Jewel had changed her mind, I hoped she wasn't anywhere near this place, I hoped she was waiting for me at home, waiting for me to comfort her, to hold her. But hope is useless, as I've come to learn. Hope just lifts your spirit, makes you happy, gives you a flutter in your heart, and then crushes it just as quickly. It makes everything worse, and I hope I never feel this way ever again.

******************J******************

I saw it, a bright red vehicle, slightly larger than most. It was square with sharper edges, and most definitely heavier. It would do the trick, and so I lifted myself from the ground, flapped my wings, and threw myself in front of the speeding vehicle. The last thing I heard was a terrifying honking noise grow until it blasted my eardrums. The last thing I saw were the blinding twin lights that approached at breakneck speed until I could feel them scorching my skin. I smelled the burning fuel of the motor and tasted the bitter fumes.

But what surprised me the most was the speed with which my mind worked, seconds away from my imminent death. My entire life, all my loves, all my fears, all my proudest moments, and my worst failures. I saw my parents, Blu, my children, I saw all my greatest joys, as well as every single event that had led up to this fateful time. I closed my eyes and embraced my relief. My very last thought was of Blu, of my love for him, of my wishes that he may live forever in happiness. I smiled as I actually enjoyed my last second on this earth.

******************B******************

Suddenly, I heard a sudden honking noise from far down the road, the screech of tires, followed by more honking. I would have gone to investigate, but more vehicles sped past, angered by the unanticipated obstacle in the road. The rain made it impossible to appreciate what had happened, especially since it was easily half a kilometer down the road.

Jewel…

But no, it couldn't be, I mean, what were the odds…but what if it was. I was about to fly towards the distraction, but at the last second, I turned around, and walked up the road. I couldn't deal with it, whether or not Jewel had been the cause of that noise, I couldn't face life anymore. I'd never find her, she might have flown into the city as she could have tried drowning her sorrows in the sea, or become a succulent dinner meal for some predator in the depths of the jungle.

I walked on the lonely road, alone with my thoughts, my aching heart keeping me company as I let my thoughts run wild. My shadows etched a pitiful pattern with the lights from the yellow street lamps. As I continued walking allowing reality to delve into my mind, I looked up at the brilliant white moon. It made me realize how much it seemed to be Jewel. Perhaps it was my demented state, but it reminded me of her. Her shining beauty, a sparkling gem unlike any other, made even more beautiful by the fact that all those other small white specks could only glare enviously at her striking spirit. She was alone in the night sky, with no one that was able to compare, not even the sun, for no one could truly see its form or spirit without being blinded. The moon, as striking as it was, would allow you to admire her true form… If you took a little time to really look.

I continued my walk up the road long after the rain ceased, and long after the sun rose over the far-off bay. Soon enough I'd make my way back to my nest. From there, it was only a matter of deciding what to do…although the choices were pretty obvious now…what was the point?


	18. Home

_**Author's Note: **Running out of things to say here...especially since there's a serious lack of REVIEWS from you guys. I'm doing my best to update frequently, so I'd REALLY appreciate some feedback. Of course there are certain people that I understand why they're not reviewing, so for them it's ok. Still...Oh, by the way, check out the forums and join the Jesse Award Discussion, a Rio Fanfiction Award Ceremony acknowledging great writers and stories! Check out some of the categories, and soon enough, we'll have our nominations!_

* * *

><p><em><strong>CHAPTER 18<strong>_

I don't know. I just... don't know. I don't know anything anymore. How can I? I don't know where Jewel is. I don't know where I am. I don't know what happened. I don't know where I'm going. I don't know when this nightmare will end. I'm afraid that if I don't end it myself, and end it soon, it'll consume me, eat away at my soul until all that's left is an empty shell. Maybe it's too late. I don't know.

I walked the entire length of the road, and all I knew is that there was no hope for her. My eyes frantically searched for Jewel the entire night, and now they were bloodshot and drooping, stinging from the bright sunlight streaming through the clouds. Part of me wouldn't give up, wanted to keep walking, but the other part... the other part of me already knew it was too late. Jewel was dead, and there was nothing I could do to bring her back, to find her, nothing. All I had left was a bloody hollow scarred by these past few days, and my empty self.

I could never return to my past, when everything was happy and peaceful. I couldn't face Linda or Túlio, I couldn't see Rafael or Nico or Pedro, not now at least. They would all ask too many painful questions, ones I myself didn't know the answers would ask where Jewel was, and I'd tell them I would never again see her again. I'd never see her shining eyes, her beautiful smile, I'd never hear her melodic voice or her light-hearted laugh. I'd never smell her enticing aroma or feel her silky feathers beneath my wing. I'd never feel her warmth light up my heart and soul. I'd never see her fly again.

They say suicide is the coward's way out, a way of telling life: "You can't fire me, I quit!" It was starting to look quite attractive actually. My life was really the only thing I really had, and why can't I decide when to end it? Death is really the only sure thing in life, it's only a matter of when, where, and how. I had the why, and suicide would easily answer the other questions. But I was too much of a coward for even this. Jewel had always been braver in that sense, taking the decisions she thought were the right ones without hesitation. That probably caused this entire mess, but I really don't blame her for it. It was my fault just as much as it was hers. Now she'd decided to take her life, something I couldn't do. I had to admit, even in death, I admired her and loved her more than anything else.

I had absolutely nothing left to do on this cold lonely planet, and I figured it was about time to leave. But before I could do so, I felt I had to say goodbye, set things straight with everyone. That included Linda and Túlio as well as Rafael and everyone else. I owed them at least that much, they should know what happened to me and Jewel. But it would take time before I could face them. It might be years.

Until then, I'd drown my sorrows by myself in my home, or whatever was left of it. It wasn't much of a home without Jewel or my eggs, but it was all I had left. I spread my wings and took flight, the usual joy of being airborne now completely gone, replaced by a dismal fog of utter grief, guilt, and depression. It didn't really matter anymore, all I wanted was to feed, drink, sleep, and let time do its best to heal these wounds, both physical and emotional. A broken heart is one thing. A broken soul on the other hand…

I flew in circles for the better part of an hour trying to place myself, only to find out I had walked all the way to Copacabana. I had quite a flight ahead of me before I could settle peacefully in my hollow. Of course, before doing that, I'd have to clean out the mess that it was. I knew it would hurt to bring back all the memories, but it was necessary. If I was lucky, the rain would have washed away the remains of my child as well. That was one thing I wouldn't be able to do myself, proving once again how weak and cowardly I am.

I have no clue as to how long it took me, but it was well past midday by the time I finally spotted the clearing where we'd settled in. Heaving a great sigh of relief, I leaned back and slowed my descent, gripping the edge of the nest with my claws as I folded my wings and entered the spacious abode.

I jumped at the sight of a dozing bird in the middle of my nest before a realization hit me, and I remembered last night. Margaret lay there, apparently sleeping in the nest I'd once shared with Jewel. After what she'd gone through just to relay that message, I felt bad waking her up, so I was about to turn to fly elsewhere and let her rest before a cheery voice interrupted my plan.

"Oh... you're back. Did you find her?" she asked, the hope in her voice stabbing me on the inside.

I couldn't look at her, and so I determinately stared down the floor beneath my talons. I just closed my eyes and shook my head, answering her question.

"I…I tried but…it's hopeless, she's…gone…"

Accepting that fact absorbed more of my strength than I would have thought possible, and I slumped to the floor, exhausted and depressed. I was weighed down by the same guilt I still felt tugging at my heart, and had it been up to me, I would have let it me drag me to the murkiest depths of Hell. Still, life, it seems, has a sick twisted sense of humor. I'll never fully understand what happened at that moment.

"Blu…I think there's something you ought to know…"

Margaret caught my attention, and I lifted my head slightly just to acknowledge her. Her eyes shone, despite the weariness in them. She'd managed to groom herself and fix her feathers during the night apparently, and now, I had to admit, she was quite attractive. She dazzled in the early morning sunlight, and all of that just made me feel even worse about everything she'd been through for me and Jewel. She was a beautiful bird, made even more so by the fact that she'd delivered Jewel's final goodbye out of selflessness. I felt horrible about having snapped at her.

"What... what more is there to know? Jewel's dead, and so are my children..."

Margaret just stared at me unflinchingly.I just rubbed my head with my wings, wiping my tears - which I hoped had gone unnoticed - and looked back at Margaret. I was struck by the hint of a slight smile on the very edge of her beak.

"What are you…are you…smiling?"

"What? Blu…no, not at…"

"Maybe you find my pain amusing, is that it? Maybe the fact that I've lost everything is appealing to you? You know what, maybe you'd better leave…"

"Blu, please, just…"

"Just get the hell out Margaret! Leave me in peace…"

I was shaking out of sheer fury. Of course, it was the combination of everything that happened, my own frustration at myself built up over the past days exploding in this fit of rage at an innocent bird. At the time of course, she didn't seem so innocent. She certainly seemed hurt though. She drew in a sharp breath, and I could tell she was on the verge of breaking down in tears, but she managed to compose herself.

"Blu…"

"What?"

She stood from the nest and stepped away towards the entrance, never taking her eyes off me. Of course, I wasn't paying any attention to her whatsoever.

"Margaret…"

"Yes, Blu?"

"Is that…?"

"Yes it is…"


	19. A Bittersweet Beginning

_**A Bittersweet Beginning**_

I paced around the nest eagerly, anticipation gnawing in my heart. I had already thought long and hard about it, and either way, there were complications. I mean, I was all alone, I had learned to survive in the jungle, barely, just a few months ago. I definitely wasn't the right one for this sort of thing, but who else. The thought had crossed my mind, giving up all responsibility, allowing another bird to take charge in the matter. But every time I almost backed out of it, I thought of Jewel. And that was the only reason I needed.

I owed it to her, at least this much. She was the reason I was dragged halfway around the world, and it was worth every second of it. This entire wacky adventure had all been for one single purpose. To save the…my species. And it had worked just fine, up until now. Jewel and I had been destined for each other, and in the end, nature betrayed us and set up a different course for both of us. Now she was gone, and the hope of saving the species diminished to a nearly absolute zero. Of course, there was no way to know for sure, but if that was the case, the only way was…too horrid to even think about it. It couldn't be.

There are times when doing the right thing involves doing the wrong thing at the same time. It was either me, or the greater good, but the greater good for whom? And that really wasn't even my main concern yet, there was so much more to worry about. Knowing myself, I would probably never reach that point in time, at least not alive.

But that was when the most heart-breaking noise snapped me back to reality. A small crackling noise, followed by a bit of a dry squelch, and the beak of my new-born child broke through its eggshell. It was truly heart wrenching, watching it struggle against the hard exterior shell. I wanted desperately to aid in its escape, help it breathe fresh air, but I knew I couldn't. My heart and my mind told me to break the shell, pull it apart, but deep inside me, a previously unexplored part of me told me to abstain. Instinct, something that had been brought out ever since I'd been in the jungle, told me to let it be. If the chick was not strong enough to break out of its eggshell, it would never survive the first few months. It was torture, but I was already familiar with nature's cruelness.

The brutal battle between chick and egg lasted for over three full minutes, and they were more than enough for me to think about everything. And I thought about everything that could possibly cross my mind. I was a father, and two weeks earlier, I'd been looking forward to this precise moment, when my children would hatch, and Jewel and I would be able to start our family. Now this was simply painful, because I knew it would make me suffer more than anything.

Living by myself in the jungle, it wasn't easy, but I could manage it. However, being responsible for another being's life at all times, responsible for its health, its safety, its growth. I didn't know the first thing about parenthood, and yet here I was, preparing to face it all by myself. With Jewel by my side, I'd felt security, comfort, confidence that together we'd pull through. Now all of that was gone, and it was just me, and this poor unfortunate hatchling against the world.

It's head began to emerge, covered in the sticky, now-useless albumen, and let out a soft chirp. I trembled all over, my talons now gripping the hollow's floor, I was anchored to this world. There was no going back now. It was all over, and even though I'd never believed in destiny, it seemed to be taking control of my life. I had no choices anymore, bound by my heart and mind, and something much deeper as well.

Suddenly, the eggshell was laying on the floor, and all thoughts of the future disappeared when she opened her eyes and looked up at me.

"Daddy?"

The feelings overwhelmed me, my daughter looking up at me expectantly. Like an epiphany, a solemn, inevitable realization, in that split second I came to terms with what my purpose, my sole purpose in life would be from that moment on. I had to be a father to her, the youngest Spix's's Macaw on earth. I would have the one to raise her, to protect and defend her, and ultimately give her the life I'd never had. I knew that if it came to it, I would give my life for her without hesitation or second thought. I smiled, and as I whispered gentle consolations_, _as I began my brand new life, I became lost in her dark olive-green eyes.

_**FIN**_


End file.
